


A Village Affair

by Corvidden



Category: Holby City
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Mutual Pining, Village life, they’re GPs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:08:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27030223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corvidden/pseuds/Corvidden
Summary: Serena Campbell, GP has won the Lower Holby Village Fete Cake Competition for the last 9 years. She’s aiming for her 10th, but will newcomer to the village and her practice Bernie Wolfe cause upset in more ways than one...?
Relationships: Serena Campbell & Bernie Wolfe, Serena Campbell/Bernie Wolfe
Comments: 81
Kudos: 140





	1. The Newcomer

**Author's Note:**

> Lovingly rehomed from the Berena AU Adoption Agency. The original idea was by Persiflage, who has also gifted me with their amazing beta-ing skills. I am forever grateful! 
> 
> I know nothing about being a GP or how GP Practices are run, so please suspend your disbelief over any of the medical details.

Serena Campbell sighs into her coffee. She can hear the noises upstairs that indicate Elinor and Jason are getting ready for school and college. She’s grateful that she no longer has to cajole Elly out of bed, but it still feels as though her mornings are too short- the precious half hour she gifts herself by getting up just early enough to drink a coffee, have a slice of toast, and maybe read the paper. 

She looks across her garden, enjoying the early summer blooms with a sense of pride. It’s taken a lot of hard work to get to where she is and be in a position to have the things she wants- the home she wants- a beautiful Georgian house in the much sought after village of Lower Holby, the job she’s always wanted- partner at a GP surgery in the nearest town. She sacrificed a lot for it, so she and Elinor could be happy, have the things they want. Jason may not have been part of the original plan, but her home feels almost complete now that he’s here. 

Her reverie is interrupted by the thundering of feet down the stairs. 

“Mum! Have you seen my PE hoodie? I have hockey today and I need it.”

Serena closes her eyes. “Elinor, darling, it’s in the laundry basket outside of your room- the one I’ve been asking you to empty for the last week. It’s surely too warm for a hoodie though- you’ll be fine without.”

“Not a chance.” Elinor replies, already heading back up the stairs. She reappears moments later, stuffing her hoodie into her backpack and followed by Jason. “We’ve gotta go mum, or we’ll miss the bus. See you tonight.”

“Bye Auntie Serena,” Jason calls, punctuated by the slamming of the front door. Serena is left standing in silence. 

“Bye then,” she says to the now empty room. 

She mutters to herself that neither of them had breakfast- still, she couldn’t complain too much- she’s sure Jason will pick something up when he gets to college, and Elly has previously assured her that she always packs a piece of fruit or a protein bar. Serena can hardly claim the moral high ground here- a habit of skipped meals and reliance on caffeine to get her through the day as a med student and earlier in her career was hard to break. She does wonder if she needs to have a talk with Elly about some things. 

She frowns, thinking how easily Edward, her ex, has it with parenting. The archetypal Disney dad, he has Elly every other weekend and he and his far-too-young-for-him new wife shower her with gifts and shopping trips. He never has to nag her about homework, tidying her room, doing chores or any of the things that cause Elly to slam doors and declare that Serena doesn’t and can’t possibly understand what life is like as a teenager. Sitting alone thinking about her and her daughter’s arguments give her a pang of sadness as she thinks about the similar arguments she had with her mother over the years. 

Her phone pings a reminder of the staff meeting in an hour, snapping her out of her bittersweet reverie. She remembers they have the new GP starting today, and she idly wonders what they’ll be like. Bernie Wolfe. Sounds like a second rate action hero, Serena thinks to herself, huffing out a laugh at her own joke. There have been a lot of changes for Serena in the last couple of years, and work has been a constant for her. She hopes the new GP won’t upset the delicate ecosystem at the Wyvern Spa Surgery. 

She reaches for her phone to text Ric and ask him for the lowdown, but thinks better of it at the last minute. She’s spent a lot of time convincing people that she’s fine after the pain of watching her mother fade away before dying, and then the compounding heartbreak of discovering a sister, only to find out she had died just two years before Adrienne. Serena can understand their concern, but she doesn’t want it, finds it oppressive and hates people’s pity being directed at her. 

No, in fact, this new blood into the surgery might be a good thing- someone who doesn’t know her, doesn’t know how she struggled over the last couple of years. This will be someone to whom she will be a blank slate.

Serena sets her mug down in the sink, picks up her car keys and leaves a note for the kids to say that she will be back after 6, and to sort out their dinner from things in the fridge. Stepping into her shoes, she heads for the car, and to work. 

*************

Bernie Wolfe eyes her two children across their dining room table. It’s become something of a tradition, Monday morning breakfasts, before they head off to school as weekly boarders. Since she was medically retired from the Army ten months ago, Cameron and Charlotte announced they wanted to spend more time at home with her, so they had a proper family breakfast each Monday before they went off to school for the week. 

“Are you looking forward to your first day, Mum?” Charlotte asks around a mouthful of toast. 

“Yes, thank you, darling- I’m a little nervous though. It’s been a while since I’ve worked in the NHS, so this is a bit of an unknown for me!”

“You’ll be great, mum. You’ll wow them all with your tales of adventure and they’ll just be amazed the great Bernie Wolfe is working with them in the surgery in Wyvern Spa!” This from Cameron, who follows it up with a cheeky grin. 

Bernie snorts. “Is that how I should introduce myself at my first staff meeting do you think? The GREAT Bernie Wolfe.”

The three of them laugh at that, and Bernie’s heart feels light. Months ago, she wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to walk again, and from then things had got much worse before they improved at all. Although mostly working as a general practitioner for the RAMC in the UK, her previous experience as a field surgeon had led to a posting in Kandahar. She had promised Marcus and the kids it would be the last time, and that she’d see out the last 2 years of her time in the Army back in the UK. 

This was not to be- Bernie remembers only fragments of the day that changed everything. Sitting in the jeep by Alex, the backs of their hands brushing- a comforting touch unnoticed by everyone else in the vehicle. Then there’s just shouting, the acrid smell of smoke, the gritty taste of sand and blood in her mouth as she stares up at the hot Afghan sky, wondering if she’ll get the opportunity to say goodbye to her kids, to say sorry to Marcus, to tell Alex she loves her.

Instead, she woke up in Holby City hospital where she’d been patched back together. There’s a long period of agonising, intensive physiotherapy, psychotherapy, occupational therapy and god-only-knows-what-therapies. The Army retired her and she was bereft, not knowing what her place in the world would be. 

Alex had come to see her, to tell her to be brave here like she was brave out there, but Bernie had seen what happened when everything got blown up and she didn't want to go through that again. She cried secretly for weeks after Alex left her with a sad smile on her lips and the words “I love you Bernie, but I can’t wait forever for you” hanging heavily in the air like a storm cloud about to burst.

And burst it did, a few weeks later. Bernie was so tired of starting her days crying in the shower and feeling lonelier than she had ever felt. She felt Alex’s loss the way she feels her physical injuries, and she resolved to tell Marcus that they were over. She thought he knew, deep down, really. They were sleeping in separate rooms and they’d barely had any physical contact since she was cleared by her medical team for a return to normal life. 

She told him she wanted a divorce while the kids were away at boarding school, and it went as she expected- shock, anger, pleading. Then Alex had shown up a few days later, and then he knew about that, too. He was furious at first, and Bernie was shocked at his change in temperament- shouting, swearing and throwing things. The kids were at home- that was what she had felt the worst about, that they’d heard them arguing, heard them lose control like that. Bernie knew that she would need to speak to the kids what had really happened herself but that terrified her more than the thought of telling Marcus they were over had. 

Summoning all her nerve, she and Marcus told them about the divorce. Then he went out to play golf, leaving her with the task of explaining to the kids that it was all her fault, and why. Cameron seemed to take it on board, telling her she shouldn’t have hidden something like that for so long, saying how hard it must have been for her. He almost seemed to pity Bernie, which to her mind was almost worse than Charlotte’s response, which was anger and incredulity. How could she be a lesbian after being married so long? Wasn’t this just some sort of mid life crisis? Didn’t you think about Dad before you did that? 

Neither of them really spoke to Bernie for a long while, with Charlotte taking longer to thaw than Cameron, so Bernie finds it extra incredible that they’re sitting here together having breakfast and chatting about her impending first day as a GP at Wyvern Spa Surgery. 

“You should take in some of that cake you baked at the weekend, Mum” suggests Charlotte. “That will be sure to win them over- it was delicious! My photos of it on Instagram got so many likes!”

Bernie chuckles. “I might just do that, you know. It certainly won’t hurt. Now come on you two, let’s get you to the train station so you’re not late for school!” 

Chairs scrape back from the table and Bernie heeds Charlotte’s advice, taking a minute to put some cake slices into a tin. Grabbing her car keys and her bag she holds the door open for Cameron and Charlotte, who dash out to the car. She feels like this could be the beginning of a fresh chapter in her life, of getting to where she wants to be and getting to be **who** she wants to be at long last. 

*******

Serena swings her car into the car park at the surgery and curses under her breath. Someone is in her spot. Well, not exactly her spot, but it's one of the spaces marked for doctors only and she doesn’t recognise the car. She’s going to have to park around the corner until she can find out who has parked there and kindly ask them to move their car.

Her phone pings several times- another reminder that it’s now only 15 minutes until the staff meeting, a couple of emails and 2 texts from Jason.

_Aunty Serena- I meant to say, we should find some time to discuss cake-baking strategy for this year’s fete. How about this evening?_

_I have been doing some analysis on previous performance and competition- I will make sure to show you my spreadsheet. See you later._

Serena smiles at this. Baking was something she and Jason had first bonded over when he came to live with them. She didn’t have much in common with this boy she suddenly found herself related to, but baking gave them a common activity, and Serena enjoyed the chance to switch off, and Jason enjoyed the science, the order of it. Elinor participated in the eating of the cakes but not much else, however it did give the three of them a reason to sit down together. 

She wished dearly that she and Elinor could share something like that. Something where they could be side by side, talking, and enjoying their time together. She wants her daughter to be able to talk to her, has always tried to be available to her, even around the challenges of being a single parent and a GP, but Serena can’t help feeling that she doesn’t know her daughter, and the details of her daughter’s life, as well as she would like. 

Serena had been the undisputed champion of the Lower Holby Cake Competition at the Fete for the past nine years, since first entering as a way to try and make friends in the village after she and Elinor had moved there. Village life could be terribly insular, and even after nine years, while definitely part of the community, Serena was still very much in the “newcomer” category. 

When Jason had come to live with them, she struggled to find a way to bond with this wonderful, complex boy. Suggesting that he bake with her was something of a long shot, but Jason seemed to take instantly to it. It had begun as a reason for them to spend more time together. Serena had asked him to work with her on her entry for the competition, and Jason had researched and studied all sorts of baking ideas and techniques, and together they had entered what Serena had felt to be the best entry yet. Jason was thrilled to have his name on the entry next to his Aunty’s. 

It turned out that Jason was keen to repeat last year’s success. Serena, whilst she wouldn’t admit to it, has a competitive streak a mile wide and was damned if she was going to lose her title after the last nine years. This year would mark a decade of being the village cake-baking champion and she dearly wanted that particular accolade- something satisfying, she thought, about holding the title for that long. Perhaps then she would hand the reins over to Jason, letting him go solo, leaving her free for a new challenge, jams and preserves maybe. 

She was interested to see what Jason’s suggestions were. They have two months to practice before the fete, and she knows that she will need to bring some ideas to Jason’s strategy session tonight. She makes a mental note to see what has been on Bake Off the last couple of years, and if she can take any ideas from the more popular bakes. She fires off a quick text in response to Jason’s, telling him tonight is good to talk about the upcoming competition entry. 

Swiping her ID badge and entering the building, Serena heads for her consultation room to drop her coat and bag off. She moves on to the kitchen, opening the cupboard to get her mug for a coffee- this second coffee a habit rather than a necessity. Her “World’s best Doctor” mug, gifted to her by Elinor and Jason has gone AWOL. 

“For goodness sake, is nothing sacred,” she grits out as she reaches for a drug-company freebie mug.

“Everything alright, boss?” asks practice manager and head nurse Fletch as he falls into step with her on the way to the meeting room.

“First my parking spot, then my bloody mug. It’s no way to start a Monday, Fletch.” she grumbles. 

“Ah, yeah... well, I may have an explanation for this,” replies Fletch, opening the door for her. 

“Right. This had better be good” she fires back, arching an eyebrow to underscore her displeasure. 

Sitting at the conference table, in what is usually her spot is a woman. About Serena’s age, she reckons, but that’s where the similarity ends. She’s athletic, tanned and blonde, though it looks like she’s never seen a hairbrush. Serena notes her mug sitting on the table in front of her and shoots a look at Fletch, who shrugs.

The other woman stands up, revealing how tall she is, a fact emphasised by her ridiculously skinny jeans and tight fitting shirt. She walks over to Serena, and offers her hand. 

“You, uh, must be Dr. Campbell? I’m Bernie Wolfe, the new GP. Nice to meet you.”

Serena is surprised, Bernie Wolfe is not at all what she had expected. Far from the second-rate action hero Serena had been imagining this morning, Bernie looks more like a model or a professional athlete. Shaking the outstretched hand, she notes how soft the other woman’s skin is. 

“Yes, Serena Campbell, Senior GP Partner here at Wyvern Spa Surgery. It’s good to have you on board Dr Wolfe.”

Bernie ducks her head by way of a thank you and looks down at their hands before breaking contact and heading back to where she was sitting. Serena takes a seat on the other side of the table as the other members of staff begin to file in.

*********

It’s a long day. Serena feels particularly irked that far from being shy and retiring on her first day, Berenice Bloody Wolfe challenged her on a number of her patient diagnoses and treatment plans at the mornings team meeting. 

Mr Jones, who’s being seen for headaches and insomnia. Bernie immediately picks up on his military background and asks if Serena has considered anxiety or PTSD, saying that she saw it a lot in her roles as an Army medic, both in theatre and on home soil. Serena jots down some notes and says a terse thank you. She wasn’t ignorant of PTSD and its prevalence in ex-service personnel, she was just exploring the more obvious answers first. 

Then ten minutes later, she’s questioning another patient. A man with debilitating, but thoroughly vague symptoms who has been in numerous times over the last month. Bernie stutters that she read something in some obscure journal of made-up-bloody-medicine about WiFi allergy. Serena rolls her eyes, even just thinking about it- she’s never heard of anything so ridiculous. She is absolutely not going to entertain that as a diagnosis. 

An hour of her shift left, and with a ten minute break between patients, Serena hurries to the staff kitchen to make a cup of tea and almost runs into Bernie. 

Bernie holds out Serena’s mug. “I’m sorry, I understand this is your mug- Fletch just told me to use any one this morning, and it was the first one I grabbed, I’ve… I’ve washed it for you.”

“We do have a dishwasher,” Serena replies, nodding in the direction of the appliance. She hates the acidity in her voice, can’t quite work out why she is being so flinty towards this woman, who is clearly trying to make a good impression on her first day. Bernie’s use of Fletch’s nickname after barely a day annoys her, but she is again unable to say why. She feels uncharacteristically territorial about the Wyvern Spa surgery. This is her fiefdom, not this interloper’s. 

“Right” Bernie nods. “I’ll remember that next time I steal someone’s mug.” 

Serena smiles a little at that. “The drug company ones are generally kept as free-for-alls.” It’s not a tacit apology, but Serena thinks it will have to do for now.

“Duly noted, Dr Campbell. Oh, I brought in some cake this morning, by the way- there are a couple of slices left. Please help yourself, it is a little treat for my new colleagues.” Bernie opens the cake tin and offers it to Serena, who feels now that she can’t decline. 

Raising the cake slice in a mock toast to Bernie she heads back to her consultation room to drink her tea and eat the cake before her last few patients of the day. Settling into her chair, she takes a bite, and oh god, the flavours and textures are incredible. Serena can’t remember having chocolate cake like that in a long time. She wonders if she could ask Bernie for the recipe- this would be great for the Lower Holby Fete Cake Competition. Yes, she and Jason could see off the opposition with this, for sure. Serena writes herself a post-it to remind herself to ask Bernie for the recipe soon, and resolves silently to try and be a little nicer to her


	2. The House by the Green

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena is trying to smooth things over with Bernie, but can’t quite manage it. New neighbours are arriving in the village, and Jason has done some analysis of previous cake wins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who read, commented, or left kudos on Chapter One. I hope chapter two is to your liking!

Bernie gets home and kicks off her shoes, glad to have finished her first day. Her phone sounds from the depths of her satchel. Fishing it out, she smiles, seeing the message from Charlotte asking how her day went. 

_‘Great- everyone was really friendly and welcoming, and it was a great idea about the cake- it seemed to go down well! Love you, Mum x’_ she taps back to Charlotte.

Bernie rifles through the day’s post which consists mainly of bills, but there at the back of the sheaf of paper is a letter with the unmistakable logo of the firm of solicitors she has been dealing with. Finally, there is some movement on her seemingly endless house move. Post divorce, they had sold their family home in Bath, splitting the proceeds and Bernie’s been renting a nice enough house in Wyvern Spa. Her plan has been to move out to one of the villages near the town, ideally somewhere that is close enough that the commute won’t be too onerous, and far enough that she feels like she’s in the countryside. 

Having spent what feels like an age house hunting, sometimes with the kids and sometimes without, she found a beautiful house sitting on the edge of a village green in a chocolate-box village called Lower Holby. It answered all her requirements and more importantly, she felt at home as soon as she walked in. She’d always thought that was an over-romanticised piece of marketing by estate agents, the idea that you would ‘just know’ if somewhere was the right house, but it turns out it’s a real feeling, and Bernie couldn’t help making an offer on the spot. 

Bernie sits down and tears open the envelope. A big grin splits her face as she reads confirmation that everything is complete with the house sale, and she can begin the process of moving in. It will be such a nice change to live somewhere that is really, and truly her own, where she can decorate how she likes and she can have a more permanent base for the weekends the kids spend with her. 

She WhatsApps Charlotte and Cameron to tell them the news on their group chat. They’re both delighted, and looking forward to choosing their new rooms. She tells them she has the removals company on standby for this weekend- the kids are due to be with Marcus this weekend, but they both offer to swap weekends and help her move. She accepts gratefully and promises takeout of their choice on the Saturday by way of thanks. 

*****

Serena walks into her house to the familiar noise of music floating down from Elly’s room, and to Jason watching a documentary about something or other. 

“Hi both,” she shouts from the hallway, “Did you have good days?”

“Yes, I will come and tell you about it when my documentary has finished Aunty Serena,” Jason says from the living room,

“OK thanks!” Elly shouts as she opens the door to her room and heads downstairs. Reaching the hallway she gives Serena a quick hug. “How was your day, mum?”

Placing her shoes on the shoe rack Serena frowns. “Poor to middling,” she tells Elly who raises an eyebrow at her in a near perfect impression of an expression Serena often makes. 

They head through to the kitchen. Serena notes that they have made a cursory effort to tidy up after their dinner efforts- some crumbs and a couple of knives remaining on the side, but it’s a good effort. Serena’s heart clenches a little at the notion that both Elly and Jason are really growing up, becoming very much their own people who are becoming more independent by the day.

Elly hops up onto one of the stools at the breakfast bar. 

“Was today awful then? What happened?” she asks Serena.

“Oh nothing major. Just an assortment of annoyances, darling. My parking space, my mug, my patients, the new GP. I’m sure everything will be fine tomorrow.” She smiles at Elly.

“I was talking to Gaby today,” Elly says, referring to her oldest school friend who lives in the village too. “She was saying that the house by the green has been sold and the new owners are moving in this weekend.”

Serena gets a mug for a cup of tea. “Really? Does she know who it has been sold to? And how exactly does she know this?”

Elly sighs. “Her mum knows everything that goes on in the village. You know that! She said that it’s a woman and her 2 teenage kids. A boy and a girl. She didn’t know much else, but it will be so nice to have some new people in the village, especially if her kids are the same ages as me and Jason. We should invite them over for lunch on Sunday- they might not know anybody in the area, and it would be nice, don’t you think?”

Serena nods, thinking it would be nice for both Elly and Jason to have more friends in the village. That was the downside to village life, it was slightly removed from all the things teenagers want in their life- friends, social opportunities, the ability to get away from one's parents. 

“OK”, she replies. “We’ll invite them over for Sunday afternoon. I won’t do a roast, just something straightforward though.”

*****

A while later, after finishing her dinner, Serena takes a glass of wine and goes through to the living room to sit with Jason. 

His face brightens. “Aunty Serena! I was just finishing up my spreadsheet. Are you happy to discuss strategy for the cake competition now?”

“Ah, yes, that’s fine Jason, but maybe let’s stick to an executive summary of your findings. I’m quite tired tonight. But I am very keen to hear your thoughts.”

Jason turns the laptop so she can see his analysis. “As you can see, I have gone back through the scorecards for the last 9 years, and this chart shows the relative margin by which your cakes won.”

Serena nods, impressed by his dedication to the cake competition. “OK, but what’s the headline?” she prompts him. 

“Right, yes. Well as you can see in years where you entered something chocolate based you won by a higher margin than in other years. In fact the margin was 14% bigger on average. Next was fruit-based offerings, with an 8% margin on your competitors, and the lowest scoring were those that were ‘non-traditional’ cakes. I’m including those made with non-wheat flours, vegetables, that sort of thing. Those only won by a margin of 5%. So I think to maximise our chances we should go for something chocolatey, and more traditional.”

Serena’s mind immediately flicks to Bernie’s divine chocolate cake, and considers again asking her for the recipe. Maybe in a couple of weeks, once things have settled down at the surgery. She might have to turn on the charm a bit, after being so frosty today on the new doctor’s first day. A wave of guilt washes over her and she feels ashamed of herself for being so unwelcoming.

Turning back to Jason, she asks him a few additional questions about his findings and they determine that chocolate is the way forward to bring Serena to her decade of winning the competition.

“Thank you Jason, that was very thorough. I feel confident that you and I have an excellent chance of winning again this year.”

“You are very welcome Aunty Serena. I believe that thorough data analysis can yield excellent results in almost every situation. Now, I am going to finish my college work in my room and then go to bed.”

Serena pats him on the arm. “Goodnight Jason.”

“Goodnight, Aunty Serena.”

Serena sits quietly, sipping her Shiraz, and wondering if she will be able to make a fresh start with Bernie tomorrow.

*******

Bernie hesitates outside Serena’s consultation room, wondering if this is the right move. The woman took an instant dislike to her, but Bernie hopes that things aren’t beyond redemption. She doesn’t have many friends and there’s something about Serena that makes her want to get to know the other woman better. Before she can second guess herself any further, she lifts her hand and raps on the door. 

“Come in,” Serena says, voice muffled by the door.

Bernie opens the door, and sees Serena’s eyes widen in surprise at her presence, then spotting the drinks carrier with two cups of coffee from one of the better indie coffee shops in Wyvern Spa, she raises a perfectly groomed eyebrow. 

“Doctor Wolfe, please sit down” she says, motioning to one of the chairs by her desk. 

Bernie sits down, hoping that she doesn’t look as nervous as she feels. “Fletch mentioned last night before I left that I may have inadvertently parked in your regular spot and used your coffee mug, so I brought this by way of an apology.” She gestures towards the coffees. “I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I went with an Americano. I figured strong and hot is a prerequisite for most medics, so why not start there.”

Serena fixes her with her deep brown eyes. “Strong and hot is a good start, Doctor Wolfe. Thank you.”

“Please, call me Bernie,” she tells Serena. “I never really got used to being called Doctor- in the Army we were just addressed by rank.”

“Alright then, Bernie. So, tell me, what brings you to the NHS after an army career? Surely this is a bit of a culture shock for you?” Serena prods.

Bernie looks down at her hands. “Ah, yes, it is a bit of a culture shock, absolutely. But I was medically retired from the Army after a convoy I was in rolled over an IED. I was one of the lucky ones, but I was still out of action for a while. My husband, I mean my ex-husband as he is now, was angry that I had taken one too many chances on tour, and that my luck had finally run out.”

“Ah, another member of the embittered ex-wives club, then. I’m sorry to hear about your troubles though. What were your injuries? They must have been fairly serious if you were medically retired. If you don’t mind me asking, that is.”

“No! No- not at all. I ah, I had an unstable C5-C6 fracture and a pseudoaneurysm of the right ventricle. I was med-evaced out of theatre and into Birmingham for surgery.” She pauses. “It was touch and go for a bit, and I’ve needed a lot of intensive therapies,” she says with a shrug and a wan smile that does little to hide the sadness in her face. “I got to come home. I get more days I can wake up and see my children, and I can walk without crutches now.” Bernie studiously avoids the topic of her marriage, but is surprised at how much she wants to tell Serena, how she can’t help letting her secrets spill out to this woman with smiling brown eyes she barely knows. Then her face breaks into another smile, more genuine this time. “And the only real danger I face on an average day in the office here is the wrath of Dr Campbell when I park in her spot, or steal her mug.”

Serena blushes at that. “Yes, I was a little... disproportionate in my response to that. My apologies. All is forgiven, and please, call me Serena. Shall we start again?” She holds out a hand for Bernie to shake. “Serena Campbell. Welcome to Wyvern Spa Surgery. Delighted to have you here.”

Bernie takes the offered hand and looks down at them, blinking disbelievingly. She feels a jolt of electricity as she meets Serena’s eyes. “Bernie Wolfe,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’m delighted to be here.”

Their hands stay joined and their gaze holds until Bernie clears her throat and stands up. “Right. Patients to see and all that. See you later?”

Serena lifts her coffee in a mock salute. “See you later,” she echoes. 

******

The remainder of the week passes uneventfully, until Friday early afternoon when Serena spots Fletch, Ric and Bernie huddled together in the staff kitchen, deep in conversation. A pang of jealousy runs through her. This is her surgery, her colleagues. She’s worked hard for years to earn the respect and dare she say friendship of the staff here. Somehow Bernie has charmed them all in a matter of days. 

Fletch glances up and spots her. “Alright, Serena? We was just chatting about some work Bernie did when she was in the Army, about treatment of PTSD in ex-service personnel. Thought it could be useful for us- we’ve got loads of ex-military types on our patient lists.”

“It really is quite fascinating, Serena,” Ric chimes in. “I have a copy of the journal with her paper in it if you’d like to read it. Bernie has had a great idea about working with the MOD and for us to become a Centre of Excellence for the ongoing treatment of ex-service personnel with PTSD and other issues related to their service. I’m going to set up a meeting in the next couple of weeks for us all to discuss her ideas.”

Serena can’t help herself. “Is there something we are doing especially badly, Dr. Wolfe?” She knows she sounds cold, using the title Bernie has specifically said she doesn’t care for, but she wants to ram home the point that they are just fine the way they are, and they are providing an excellent service to their patients. She certainly does not like a newcomer suggesting that not only are they doing something wrong but also bringing entirely new ways of working to the table. 

“I, um, no... that’s not what I’m saying at all.” Bernie stutters out, baffled by the change in Serena’s attitude towards her. “It’s just that there’s so much more we could be doing, and it’s something that is so overlooked in General Practice that...”

Serena raises a hand to stop her. “I get the picture. Well, I assume that you three have made your minds up already. I’ll see what you have to say at the meeting.”

With that, Serena turns on her heel and heads back to her consultation room. She’s beside herself with annoyance at the ease with which Bernie has apparently bonded with Fletch and Ric, and she just can’t shake the sense that Bernie has a specific task to irritate her. She can’t deny the other woman has gotten right under her skin, and she’s not really sure why. 

Unbidden, the image rises in her mind of Bernie looking at her from behind her fringe when they were talking in the kitchen, eyes wide and stricken as Serena expressed her displeasure, and once again there’s that feeling of guilt. Serena has never had a reaction to someone like this, and she can’t quite place why. A strange combination of irritation, and a deep and desperate desire for Bernie to like her, to be her friend. Shaking her head, she gets back to work for the remaining few hours of the week. 

*****

Saturday afternoon, Serena is sitting at her dining room table having a cup of coffee and doing the crossword. Elly bursts through the front door, drops her hockey kit in the hallway and bounces through towards her. 

“Hello darling, did you win?” she asks her daughter, with a fond tone in her voice. 

“We did. Trounced them. It was great. I scored two of our goals. It was SO good, mum!” Elly leans over her mother's shoulder to give her a quick hug “I’m going to get showered and changed, then shall I go invite the new neighbours to lunch tomorrow?” She asks.

“Oh yes. excellent idea,” Serena says. “I bought a bottle of wine to take round, so don’t forget that when you go.”

OK, I won't. Shan’t be long. Oh and by the way, 14 down- star crossed.” She ruffles Serena’s hair before heading up the stairs. Serena frowns at the crossword and fills in the answer Elly has given her. 

Half an hour later, Serena hands Elly a bottle of decent Shiraz, with the instruction to invite the new neighbours over for about two tomorrow afternoon. 

Elly knocks on the door of the large house on the green. It’s answered by a girl about her own age, with long, blonde hair. “Hi, I’m Elly- I live over there on the other side of the green- at number 15. Welcome to Lower Holby.” Elly introduces herself, holding out the bottle of wine

The girl smiles, and takes the wine. “Thanks, that’s really kind. We haven’t really met anyone in the village yet. We only started moving in this morning.”

“Oh, it’s fine, I’m sure you will meet everyone soon enough. I mean it’s not that big a place!” Elly laughs at her own joke. 

The blonde girl’s smile grows a bit wider. “Yes, that’s true. How long have you lived here?” She asks Elly. 

“About 9 years. Almost ten. We moved here after my parents split up. It’s just me, my mum and my cousin Jason who moved in with us a couple of years ago but that's a long story!” Elly stops, aware she’s babbling. “Sorry, you don’t really need to know all that, do you?”

“No it’s fine. It’s good to know. That’s the same reason we’ve moved. My parents have just finalised their divorce, so mum has moved here.” The girl offers. 

“Wow. Parents, eh?” Elly rolls her eyes for dramatic effect, and the other girl lets out a bark of laughter. “So, my mum would like to invite you and your mum and whoever else lives here to lunch tomorrow- two o’clock. It’ll just be something simple but she thought it would be nice to get to know you.”

“It’s me and my mum and my brother Cam,” the girl says. “Mum’s gone out to buy some stuff for the house, so I can’t ask her right now, but I’m sure it will be OK. Why don’t you give me your mobile number and I will message you later when I’ve asked her.” The blonde holds out her phone. 

Elly takes it and types in her first name and her mobile number. “There you go. Just let me know and I’ll tell mum.”

“OK, thanks, I’ll check as soon as mine is back.”

Giving a wave, Elly heads down the front steps and out of the front gate. She turns, suddenly remembering something. “By the way, what’s your name?” She calls back to the blonde.

“Charlotte. Charlotte Dunn” the blonde calls back.

“See you tomorrow, Charlotte,” Elly says with a grin, and heads back home.


	3. A surprise Guest.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena has a surprise guest. Friendships are made, but there are some awkward moments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the comments on the first 2 chapters. Apologies for the delay in uploading this one- life is getting in the way at the moment. Please enjoy, and hopefully I will remain on schedule for the foreseeable...!

Serena spends Sunday morning busying herself preparing the house, and the food for her guests. Elly, having struck up a WhatsApp friendship with Charlotte, the daughter of the new occupants, informs her mother that the three of them from the Dunn household will be heading round as instructed for about two. 

Serena asks her daughter if she had any more information on their new neighbours. Elly grins, watching her mother pull a freshly baked lemon drizzle cake out of the oven. 

“Charlotte says that her parents had a massive bust up after her mum came back from working away for ages. She didn’t say why but she’s going to give me the gossip when she gets here. She’s in the same school year as me, so we’re going to compare notes on school subjects. Turns out she’s also a huge fan of Halican Drops, so we’re going to hang out for a bit upstairs after lunch and listen to some music as well.” Elly seems excited, and Serena smiles gently back, glad to see that her daughter seems to be making a new friend, bonding over her love of some band that has vaguely been mentioned before. 

“Right. And what about her brother? Kieran?” Serena asks.

That question is met with an eye-roll. “Cameron, mum. Seriously I’ve told you that several times already! Umm, I think he’s a couple of years older than us, so more Jason’s age. Charlotte says he’s a bit of a science nerd.”

Nodding, Serena empties the cake onto a cooling rack. “Well then, he might get on with Jason!” She says with a wink tossed in Elly’s direction as Jason walks into the kitchen. 

“Who might get on with me?” Jason asks, puzzled.

“Cameron!” Elly and Serena chorus, breaking into a fit of giggles in front of a bemused Jason. 

There’s a knock on the door and Jason announces that as he’s the only one not in paroxysms of laughter that he should answer it, and he heads off. 

Moments later, after wiping her eyes, and taking her apron off, Serena heads to the hallway to greet her guests. She runs a hand through her hair and smooths her top, smiling broadly. Serena is a social animal and she loves to meet new people, to charm them and to make new friends. 

“Hello, welcome to the village- I hope the move was ok. It’s nice to meet you.” The last word dies on Serena’s lips and the smile fades away. She can’t quite believe what is going on here. Why on earth is Bernie Wolfe standing in her hallway, grasping a bottle of wine and looking just as confused as Serena. 

Serena becomes aware of the awkward silence, and blushes as she feels both Jason and Elinor turning to look at her. She clears her throat and snaps back into hostess mode, smile reappearing, even if this time, it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. 

“Ah, Elly, Jason, Bernie is the new Doctor at the practice. What a small world. Do come in, it’s lovely to see you.” She says, stepping back to let the three of them come through the hallway. She shakes Cameron and Charlotte’s hands as they pass through to the kitchen with Elinor and Jason, and then Bernie holds out the bottle of wine to Serena, who graciously accepts. Their fingers brush as the gift exchanges hands and Serena looks dumbly at the wine, both of their hands still on the bottle. 

“Ah, a little thank you gift for being so welcoming,” Bernie says with a barely noticeable shrug of her shoulders. “I’m sorry, I had no idea that the invitation was from you. Charlotte didn’t mention any details.”

“Would you have accepted, knowing the invitation came from me?” Serena asks, fixing Bernie with a stare.

“Would you have invited me, knowing it was me?” Bernie challenges right back. 

Serena’s face breaks into a wide smile and Bernie thinks it’s like the sun coming out.

“Touché, Dr. Wolfe.” Serena says, a laugh in her voice. “Please, come through to the kitchen.” 

*****

“You have a lovely home, Serena,” Bernie says as she follows Serena through the hallway and out into the bright airy kitchen diner. 

“Thank you. We’re very happy here.” Is the reply. “Please sit down everyone, and dig in.”

The teens crowd together at one end of the large table- Elly and Charlotte have their heads together and are deep in a partially whispered conversation that is punctuated with giggles. Cam and Jason have hit it off and they are discussing the finer points of their shared love of science fiction. Notes of a conversation about Doctor Who, Star Trek and Battlestar Galactica drift across the table. 

Bernie smiles nervously at Serena. “So, umm, how long have you lived in Lower Holby? Do you like it? Any tips for surviving village life?”

Serena smiles back, trying to quiet some of the discomfort the other woman clearly feels at being caught on the back foot. “We’ve lived here for, oh... 10 years now. It seems like forever, really. We love it- it really is a great place to live. Elly and I moved here after Edward and I split.”

Bernie has a questioning look on her face. “Oh. So is Jason your...”

“My nephew,” Serena provides. “It’s sort of a long story really, but to give you the short version I discovered after my mother died that she had had a daughter a few years before me who was given up for adoption. I tried to find her, but she had died a couple of years prior to mum. However, my other half at the time was a police officer and he found out about Jason and managed to track him down.” She looks fondly over the table at her nephew.

“Wow. That’s quite the surprise! And now he lives with you?”

“Yes. When I met him, he was living in a home. He has Asperger’s so it had proven extremely difficult to foster him. And the home was...” Serena’s eyes cloud over at the memory of Jason and his spartan room, all alone in the world. “Oh, Bernie, it was so awful I couldn’t bear it. So he came home with us as soon as I could clear the paperwork.”

“That’s amazing. You’re incredible, Serena.” At Serena’s blush, Bernie continues. “I’m not sure there are many people out there who would do that.”

“I honestly don’t think I could have done anything else. I was the only person he had. Well, and Elly of course. She took a while to warm up to the idea, it’s fair to say. Her father and I have rather indulged her over the years, but she’s a good kid deep down, and now they rub along just fine.”

The pair of them look down the table at the teens who are engrossed in their conversations. Bernie smiles at the sight of her two getting on so well with Elinor and Jason, but she can’t help a momentary pang as she thinks of all the moments like this she has missed. 

“How are you finding life on civvy street then? I mean aside from the work stuff we talked about before,” Serena asks her. 

“It’s been a difficult transition, if I’m being honest. The first few months when I was in almost full time rehabilitation after my, my... the accident, it was almost easier I was always rushing from one therapy to another, and I had the goal of getting back out to active operations.” Bernie looks down at her hands, her fingers clenched tightly together. “When it became apparent that I was going to be medically retired, things kind of fell apart. I didn’t really know what I was going to do. And then Marcus and I- we uh,”

Serena reaches out a hand, pats Bernie’s arm. “It’s OK. I can see it’s difficult for you to talk about. I suppose my acting like the popular girl at school and being thoroughly unwelcoming hasn’t helped.” There’s that twist of guilt again. 

Bernie shifts slightly in her chair, looking at Serena with dark, unreadable eyes. “It’s OK,” she says quietly. “I get it. It’s *your* practice and I came in like a wrecking ball trying to prove myself. I suppose I just wanted people to see a good doctor, not someone who is a bit of a mess and who hasn’t practised civilian medicine in a while!”

Serena smiles at her. “Nobody thinks that, Bernie. I promise. Everyone in the practise is really impressed. We all like you. Me included. Though I’ve done a good job of hiding it. I’m truly sorry about that, by the way.” 

Bernie stares at her, somewhat dumbfounded. She wasn’t expecting this. Serena’s smile widens, lighting up her face and Bernie feels herself blush. Serena is quite beautiful, she thinks to herself, and then quickly pushes that thought away. She can’t, won’t fall for a co-worker again, even if this coworker is everything that Bernie finds attractive in a woman. Glossy dark hair, curves, a smile that suggests mischief. She could be in real trouble here if she’s not careful, she thinks to herself.

*****

The rest of the meal passes uneventfully. Afterwards, Elly and Charlotte disappear up to Elly’s room, and Jason and Cam head over to Bernie’s house to check out some sci-fi collection that neither of them have any idea about, but the boys are both enthusiastic about. 

Serena and Bernie make their way into the living room with their glasses of wine. 

“It’s so nice to see Jason make a friend,” sighs Serena. “I’ve been worried about his social life. I knew it would be harder for him, but people find it so difficult to see past the Asperger’s.”

“One of Cam’s closest friends from childhood is on the spectrum, so I guess he knows what to expect. Plus he and Jason seem to have a shared obsession with all things Doctor Who, so that seems to have helped!” Bernie says with a small shrug. 

“He seems lovely. As does Charlotte. You’ve got two good kids, Bernie- you’ve done a great job.” Serena tells her, emphatically. 

“Oh, I don’t know,” she counters. “I was hardly here when they were growing up- a fact Marcus rarely lets me forget. I missed so much, was absent for so much I can hardly claim credit for any of their good qualities.” A sad smile tugs the corner of her lips and she looks at Serena from behind her fringe, eyes sparkling with the threat of tears. “There was a while when I thought they’d never want to speak to me again.”

“I bet you stayed in touch though. Edward would swan off to conference after conference, and take locum positions all over the place, leaving me home with a small child and still trying to work. I’d hear nothing from him from one moment to the next.The most galling part was that he was basically getting to live the bachelor life Monday to Friday with any available nurse or junior member of staff and I was at home like a good little wife raising his child. I felt so humiliated. As soon as I had proof that he was cheating on me, that was it. I was not going to be taken for a fool any longer than I already had been. I suppose you’re lucky that there was nothing like that from Marcus!”

Bernie shifts uncomfortably. Clearly Serena is not someone who is tolerant of infidelity, and this conversation is hovering very close to Bernie’s difficult truth. She swallows the last of her wine and sets the glass down.

“I ah, I should probably head back home. I have so much unpacking to do, and I need to make sure I can find all my work stuff for tomorrow. But it’s been a lovely afternoon. Lunch was delicious, and it’s nice to know someone in the village.”

Serena stands too, looking puzzled as Bernie’s abrupt move to leave. Maybe she’s still raw about the divorce, and can’t talk about it yet.

“You’re very welcome. I’m glad you enjoyed it. And look- if Jason’s getting in the way, just send him back over. Charlotte’s welcome to stay here for as long as she wants to. Do you need her back at any particular time?”

They head for the front door.

“As long as she’s back for eight, I don’t mind, but likewise- if she’s in the way, send her back.”

Bernie reaches out a hand by way of thanks and goodbye. Serena takes it and rubbing her thumb against the soft skin of the other woman’s knuckles, she instinctively pulls her into a hug. Bernie smells of clean hair and a light, citrusy perfume. Her bright blonde hair is silky against Serena’s cheek, and Serena wonders when she developed this desire to be physically close to Bernie Wolfe, to catalogue what she feels like, what she smells like. Her stomach twists and she becomes aware of Bernie reaching her other arm around her back to reciprocate the hug. 

“If you ever need a friend to talk to, about any of it,” Serena whispers into her hair, “you know where I am. Jason will give you my mobile number. Just message me. Anytime.”

Bernie nods silently, then slowly pulls away, eyes locked on Serena’s. “Thank you. You’ve been very kind.” Their hands are still linked as if neither wants to be the first to let go. 

After what seems like an age, Serena gives her hand a squeeze. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Dr Wolfe!”

Bernie flashes her a smile, her cheeks flushed, and turns to head out of the door and towards her new home. 

***

A couple of hours later, after unpacking much of her kitchen-related belongings as a way to keep her mind away from its infernal desire to replay every look and every touch from Serena, Bernie is snapped back to reality by Jason and Cam coming downstairs. Jason stands in front of her in the kitchen.

“Thank you for having me, Dr. Wolfe. Cameron has a very impressive collection of Doctor Who books and collectibles. Are you a fan?”

Bernie smiles, “You can call me Bernie, Jason. And I’m afraid I have to confess I haven’t seen very much Doctor Who- it was difficult to get it on television while I was serving overseas in the Army.”

Jason nods. “I understand. I have been studying some modern conflicts in history at college. It would be interesting to hear your perspectives as a recently serving member of the Armed Forces if that would be possible.”

A loud bark of laughter escapes. “You’d be the first to want to hear my perspectives. Cam and Charlie aren’t interested at all! I’d be delighted Jason, perhaps the next weekend the kids are staying here, you and Elinor and your Aunty should come for lunch here, and we can talk more about the Army.”

“I would like that very much. Thank you. As long as it doesn’t interfere with our baking practice. Aunty Serena has been the champion baker at Lower Holby fete for almost a decade. She often wins in more than one category, and has multiple wins in pie, breads, biscuits and preserves, but this year is going to be her tenth year in a row of winning the cake category. She’s the best,” Jason states matter-of-factly before he turns to leave. 

“Oh, Jason, your Aunty Serena said you could give me her mobile number- would you mind?” Bernie holds out her phone for him, one eyebrow raised and a smile on her lips at this new image of Serena as the undisputed queen of the village fete.

*******

That evening, Serena is enjoying the peace and quiet of the conservatory when her phone pings. It’s a WhatsApp message from an unknown number. Squinting slightly she grabs the phone. 

_Thanks so much for a great lunch. I really enjoyed it- it’s so nice to have someone close by so I can chat about topics other than the relative merits of combat body armour or how to get sand out of... well.. everywhere! Bernie._

Serena smiles at that, and taps out a response. 

_You’re welcome, it was lovely to have you here and I think the kids have definitely hit it off. I may pick your brains on sand removal next time we head to the beach though._

She adds a winking emoji and sends the message to Bernie. Almost immediately the three dots appear, indicating that she’s responding. 

_It’s been a lonely few months after the IED. You’re the first person who has asked about how I’ve been finding it who hasn’t been involved in my rehab. Everyone just wants to know about how the kids or Marcus are finding it with me being home. I’m sorry for unloading, I think perhaps I haven’t quite come to terms with things myself yet._

Serena finds herself moved by Bernie’s admission. She feels a pang of sympathy and a desire to ease the other woman’s burden a bit. She closes her eyes for a moment, remembering the feel of soft hair and soft skin against hers in a hug, and wonders, not for the first time today, why this woman is occupying so much time in her mind. 

_Bernie, I can only imagine how you’re feeling. I am sorry if my questions made you uncomfortable. I meant what I said earlier- if you ever want to talk, about the accident, about Marcus, or any of it, you know where I am. I always have wine ready to be opened (or to be honest, already poured!)- that’s something you can count on._

Serena watches the dots as Bernie types another message. 

_Thanks so much Serena. It means a lot. I’m not very good at talking about things as you may have figured out. But I am really grateful. I have to finish unpacking some more boxes, but I will see you tomorrow. By the way- I’d like to return the lunch invite next time the kids are here for a weekend. X_

Serena smiles at her phone, studiously ignores the ‘x’ at the end of the message and only looks up when Elly shouts through to tell her Charlotte's heading home. 

Serena goes to say goodbye to the other girl who is studiously polite. 

“Thanks so much for having us Doctor Campbell. Lunch was great and it’s been so nice to hang out with Elly.” She says.

“You’re always welcome Charlotte. And please, it’s Serena,” she says with a smile. 

“Mum doesn’t have much of a social life these days, so it’s been nice to see her get out of the house and be with other people. Most of her friends are still in the Army so it’s hard for her to catch up with them. All her non-Army friends were mostly dad’s originally, and they have all sided with him after the divorce.” Charlotte says, unaware or perhaps unbothered that her mother may not be so keen on her sharing this. 

“Oh? That seems a little unfair!” Serena frowns as she replies to Charlotte, feeling the same pang of sadness for Bernie that she’d felt earlier. “Surely they could remain friends with both.”

Charlotte scuffs the toe of her trainer against the floor. “They didn’t much want to after it came out that she’d cheated on him.” She tells Serena, her eyes steely. This is clearly something that Charlotte is still angry about. 

The words hit Serena like a lightning bolt. Bernie had cheated. This changes everything. Serena feels a flash of embarrassment followed by a wave of anger and disappointment wash over her. She had laid bare the humiliation and shame she’d felt when Edward had cheated and Bernie had said nothing. 

“Right, well. I suppose that does change things somewhat. Anyway, as I said, you are always welcome, Charlotte. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some things to get ready for tomorrow.” 

Serena walks back into the conservatory in a daze, barely registering the sounds of the girls saying goodbye and the front door closing. This changes everything she thinks. How could Bernie let Serena carry on talking like that, knowing she was no better. Serena feels tears gathering behind her eyelids, tells herself it's because she’s been deceived again, and doesn’t think why Bernie’s lie of omission has affected her so deeply, has cut her to the quick like that, and how despite her anger she can still feel the ghost of Bernie’s hair brushing against her cheek and the echo of smooth skin beneath her hand. 

A couple of hours later, her phone pings. 

_Charlotte told me what she said to you. I imagine you think I’m as bad as Edward. Possibly worse as I didn’t say anything, I didn’t own my mistakes. I know it won’t make any difference, but please believe me when I say it wasn’t the same, and that I honestly did not mean to upset you. I really hope I haven’t Serena- that was never my intention. I’m so sorry. Please can we talk soon? I’d like to explain myself. X._

There’s that kiss again. Serena reads the message several times, but can’t bring herself to reply, doesn’t trust herself not to say anything cutting or sharp, and while the take-it-to-the-grave grudge holder in her has no issues with doing that, there’s another part of her that sees a vulnerability, a fragility to Bernie beneath her tough army exterior and wants to forgive her. The duality of her feelings is deeply confusing.

Instead, she tosses her phone on the table and ignores it in favour of bed. She will speak to Bernie tomorrow. Perhaps.


	4. I’ll See You in My Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elinor and Charlotte continue to become BFFs, and Elinor intervenes on Bernie’s behalf.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies, once again I am slightly behind due to my work life balance being heavily skewed towards work. The pendulum swings back, however, so I will do a double upload this week, today and Thursday and the I will be back on track, hopefully!

Bernie pulls up in the car park of the surgery and switches the engine off. She hasn’t heard from Serena since yesterday evening after Charlotte’s unfortunate revelation. Bernie had tried her hardest not to be angry at Charlotte, and Charlotte was tripping over herself to apologise, but they argued and there was still a frosty atmosphere in the house that morning before Cam and Charlie left to get the train to school. 

Bernie softly bangs her head against the steering wheel. She feels as though she’s never going to be allowed to forget what happened with Alex, what it did to her marriage, her family, her carefully crafted illusion of heterosexuality. It seems unfair that one person could undo everything she’d worked so hard to build, and make the ordinarily regimented Major throw the rule book out of the window. 

Of course, Bernie is trying to convince herself that it's not so bad. She’s finally free to live how she wants and to pursue a relationship with who she wants. So why, once again, is her subconscious fixating on the one person she definitely can’t have. Circumstances are different this time- there’s no worry about fraternising with a subordinate. It’s just that Serena is straight. She’s very, very straight. Bernie sighs as her mind’s eye conjures up an image of Serena as she was on Sunday, head thrown back, laughter lighting up her eyes and tossing a conspiratorial wink at Bernie as she made some witty observation to the kids.

Still, Bernie thinks, getting out of the car, Serena is clearly not going to talk to her again any time soon, so maybe it will be easy to get over this infatuation. She just needs to avoid Serena in practice meetings, around the building and in the village. Bernie needs to definitely not think of those lips, those dark eyes, and those hands. Shaking her head, Bernie heads into the surgery to start her day, still trying her hardest not to think about kissing Serena, about crowding her against the door of her consulting room and putting her hands on the curve of her hips and fitting their lips together. It’s going to be a very long day. 

Most of the team are cordial with her, Serena is nowhere to be seen. Still, Bernie is relieved to have a steady stream of patients to see so that her mind is kept elsewhere- she barely has time for lunch at her desk, and when she escapes for a quick coffee and bathroom break, she’s rather relieved not to bump into anyone else. When the day is over, she breathes a sigh of relief that she can get out and head back to her new home and lose herself in unpacking and a glass of wine. 

*****

Unpack she does, sorting more of her kitchen equipment out and creating the order she likes. Bernie surveys her work, glass of cold white wine in her hand. She has a sudden urge to bake, so she lifts her grandmother’s cookbook onto the work surface and flicks through the recipes. She smiles softly, her fingers tracing her grandmother’s handwritten notes, over the splashes and stains on the pages, each one marking an occasion where her grandmother or her mother (or more recently Bernie herself) has baked something for loved ones. 

Bernie stops on the page for banana bread. It’s simple, but a classic, and she does it well. Better still, all the ingredients are already in the kitchen. She hefts her mixer onto the side and begins to put the ingredients together. It’s like telling someone something special, my darling Berenice, she can recall her grandmother saying to her when she was a girl. Baking for them is just using deeds, not words. 

Bernie wonders if her co-workers will enjoy the banana bread. She wonders if Serena will like it. She desperately wants Serena to like it, for her to understand that it’s an apology of sorts, one that says how sorry Bernie is that Serena had to find out about Bernie’s affair the way she did, and how sorry she is that she didn’t get to explain that she’s not at all like Edward, and that she didn’t mean to make Serena feel foolish or angry, or any of the other emotions Bernie’s sure that her omission has caused. 

A while later, the smell of baking banana bread filling the kitchen, Bernie opens the oven door and takes the loaf tin out. It looks and smells good, so she slides it onto the cooling rack. Perfect. Bernie finishes her glass of wine while flicking through the village magazine. The final page is a notice about the village fete, and the cake competition. Perhaps that’s something she and the kids can do together. She remembers Serena and Jason talking about how they’ve won it every year for the last eon, but Bernie isn’t really thinking about winning at this stage, just an activity to keep her and the kids close on their weekends with her. Cam will love it because there’s cake at the end, Charlotte will love posting pictures of her mother’s vintage kitchen equipment and artfully composed shots of delicious cakes to her instagram account. Yes, she thinks, this could be an excellent idea!

*****

Serena wakes, late she thinks- or perhaps early- it’s still dark outside and the house is silent. She’s breathless and feels oddly aroused. Rolling over in her bed to take a sip of water, she looks at her alarm clock. 3:42AM. She buries her face in the pillow, groaning. She lies motionless for a few moments, trying to get comfortable, her arousal keeping her awake. It’s been a while since she’s had a dream like this, that’s left her throbbing with want.

A fragment of the dream drifts into her head. It’s more of a sensation really, the sensation of someone’s tongue on her hot, wet core. Biting back another groan, she reaches down to run a finger through the wetness she knows she will find there, trying to relax enough so that she can remember more of her dream. 

More sensations and images return, out of sequence and with no context. A hand, with long, strong fingers on her breasts. Someone stroking her hair, kissing her jaw, whispering into her ear, she can’t hear the words, but she knows they’re driving her wild, making her at once feel like the object of someone’s basest desires, and as though they’re treating her with the greatest of care and respect. It’s a heady combination, and Serena begins to move her fingers against her clit with more purpose as more pieces of her dream drift back to her. Strong arms holding her, kisses that set her every nerve ending alight.

She continues to move her hand, to lose herself to these echoes of the dream. Serena feels herself getting close to the edge. She knows it won’t be long now before she comes, and she so desperately wishes to know who the mystery person in her dream is- their long legs entwined with Serena’s own as they take one of her hands in theirs. She has never felt so worshipped as she has in this half awake state, fantasising about someone she has only met in a dream.

Her breath is now coming in ragged gasps as her fingers mimic those of her dream-world lover, alternately toying with her clit, and entering her slowly. Just as she feels herself tipping over the precipice a final image from her dream crystallises in her mind’s eye. Blonde hair, deep brown eyes, a shy smile playing at the corners of a mouth Serena recognises. Bernie Wolfe is suddenly there, placing a tender kiss to Serena’s neck, whispering to her to let go as her long, strong fingers drive her to the most incredible orgasm. Serena buries her face further into the pillow, crying out Bernie’s name softy as she comes hard on her own fingers, a gush of wetness coating her hand.

She lies there for a moment, catching her breath, and then the enormity, the absurdity of the situation hits her. She had an erotic dream about Bernie Wolfe. Her colleague, adulterer and general thorn-in-her-side Bernie Wolfe. Bernie is infuriating, Serena barely knows her, and she’s... well... she’s a woman. Sitting upright, Serena reaches for her bedside light, knowing full well that there is no chance that she is going to be able to get back to sleep after that.

Slipping into her en-suite to splash water on her face and grab her robe, Serena heads downstairs to make a cup of tea. She sits at the breakfast bar while she idly flicks through a lifestyle magazine. Her mind is trying it’s hardest to bring those images of Bernie back to the forefront of her attention, but Serena is determined to tamp them down. They don’t mean anything. Why would they? She’s had erotic dreams about people before that haven’t meant anything, why should this be any different. Because Bernie is a woman, her mind supplies. Because she’s an incredibly attractive woman. 

Serena rests her head in her hands. Yes, she concedes. Bernie is gorgeous. Anyone with eyes can see that, male or female she thinks. That messy hair that always makes it look like she’s just come from her bed. Her long legs, strong shoulders and expressive hands. Her soulful eyes that always seem sad, and her shy, nervous smile which make her all the more endearing. 

“Oh Jesus Christ.” She says out loud in the semi-darkness of her kitchen. “I’ve got a bloody crush.”

Serena wonders how the hell she’s going to be able to face Bernie at work after what just happened. Even though it was just a dream, Serena feels as though the instant anyone sees her they will be able to tell what she’s been thinking about, that she spent the night fingering herself with images of an erotic dream about Bernie playing through her mind, and with Bernie’s name falling from her lips as she came. Despite being on her own, Serena can feel herself blushing. This does not bode well, she’s getting embarrassed about this and there’s nobody here. How is she going to cope at work?

She checks the clock on the oven. 6:15. She may as well get showered, wash the lingering scent of her own arousal off her fingers and get ready for the day. Maybe she’ll feel less ashamed of the whole thing once she’s done all that. 

Showered and dressed and ready for the day, Serena heads back down to find Elly and Jason having breakfast. 

“Are you OK mum?” asks Elly, concern in her eyes. 

Serena can feel her cheeks heating. “Yes. Why?” she says, more snappishly than she meant to.

Elly eyes her suspiciously. “You’re down a bit later than usual. I thought maybe you didn’t feel well or something. That’s all.”

“Right. Yes. Of course, thank you darling. No, I just had trouble sleeping, so I was downstairs reading for a couple of hours before sunrise, so I suppose I’m just out of my routine a little.”

“Aunty Serena, will your evening routine also be affected?” interjects Jason.

“I shouldn’t have thought so Jason, though I may need to get a slightly earlier night,” Serena replies.

Jason nods solemnly. “Good, in that case, can I suggest that we begin our baking practise tonight. I have a recipe printed out for us to try. It’s called Death by Chocolate Cake. I’m not sure why, as I would imagine that eating a single slice is not enough to kill you, although perhaps if you ate several slices every...”

“Jason!” giggles Elly, “it doesn’t mean it’s actually deadly. It’s a funny way of saying that it’s super-rich, you know, like really indulgent.”

Jason’s eyes widen with understanding. “Oh! A turn of phrase. I see. It makes this a much better candidate for our entry now I know it’s not actually going to kill anyone!”

“Yes, I think it would rather hamper our chance of winning our tenth competition if we killed off the judges.” Serena smiles at her nephew. It has taken them all a while to get used to Jason’s difficulties with idiom and his tendency to misinterpret. She and Elly try their best to be clear in what they’re saying now, and he no longer gets cross when they point out that something is meant figuratively rather than literally. Sometimes, like this morning, they can all have a laugh at the imaginary scenarios his interpretations would cause. 

Jason leans over towards Elly and stage whispers “maybe we should just save the poisonous cake for our rivals.” He and Elly have a good laugh at that, and Serena stares at them, forgetting the awkwardness of earlier, and basking in the glow of her daughter and her nephew behaving almost like siblings. Whilst it’s not how she had imagined having another child when that still seemed like a possibility, she thinks she wouldn’t change a thing about her life right now. 

*****

Bernie places her banana bread in the staff kitchen at the surgery with a note on top saying “Help yourself”. Fletch is the first to appear, as if summoned by the mere presence of cake. 

“Major- you’re far too good to us. I love banana bread, too. Nothing better with a nice cuppa, is there?” he says, grabbing a slice of the cake. 

“Not a cuppa the way you make it, Fletch,” jokes Raf, who has also appeared at the promise of some cake. 

“Oi! There’s nothing wrong with the way I make my tea. If it’s so terrible I’ll stop making you teas in the morning.” Fletch retorts, mock indignation in his voice. 

“Oh!” Bernie says at this revelation. “I didn’t realise you two were, um, together.” 

The two of them laugh. “We’re not!” they say in unison, causing more laughter. Bernie must look confused, so Fletch takes pity on her. 

“Me and the kids, we moved in with Raf about 7 months ago. I was having a hard time keeping my head above water after the missus died.” His voice turns serious. “Raf offered us a place to live, until I get back on my feet, pay off my debt, and have somewhere lined up for us to live. He’s been amazing. Not that many people out there who would take in a friend long-term, let alone a friend who has four kids.”

Raf smiles. “It’s been great, really. I love having the kids around the place. The quality of the tea making has definitely taken a nose-dive though!”

Bernie watches the two of them and feels a pang of envy at their easy friendship, their obvious connection, and wishes she too could have that with someone. 

As if the universe has conspired to show her exactly what she can’t have, Serena walks into the kitchen at that moment. Serena looks at them, but avoids making eye contact with Bernie, who can’t help feeling disappointed by this. It’s no more than she deserves, she supposes. She decides to be the bigger person. 

“Would you like some banana bread, Serena?” she asks, striving for a casual tone to her voice, looking directly at the other woman. “I’m just making coffee, too- can I make one for you?”

Serena has no choice but to meet Bernie’s eyes now. A blush rises to her cheeks and she clears her throat. 

“Ah, that would be nice, yes please. To the cake and the coffee.”

Bernie nods, breaking their eye contact and turning to the sink. Raf and Fletch have drifted off, and now it’s just the two women in the kitchen. The silence is long, and awkward, with Bernie watching the kettle and fussing over the coffee ingredients, while Serena leans against one of the tables, looking anywhere but in Bernie’s direction. 

“Cam messaged me last night,” she ventures. “He was wondering if Jason would like to come over and watch some movie or other next weekend when the kids are next at mine?”

Serena hesitates for a moment. “I’m sure that he’d like that. I’ll ask him tonight.” She finally looks up at Bernie. “Thank you, for being so understanding about him. I know he’s not easy...”

Bernie passes Serena her coffee. “Nonsense. He’s a great lad. They’re both lovely, Serena, and I’m glad my two get on with them so well. I was worried that when I moved they wouldn’t want to come and stay on their weekends because they didn’t know anyone. But they seem to have an instant connection with your kids.” 

Serena watches as Bernie’s small smile plays across her lips, and tries desperately not to let her cheeks colour again. “Bernie, I... it’s just...” Serena’s shoulders slump slightly. “Thank you, for the coffee, and the cake. I’d best get going. I’ll speak to Jason tonight about coming over next weekend.”

“You could all come for lunch first. If you’d like.” Bernie offers, holding out an olive branch to Serena in the forlorn hope that one day the other woman might forgive her, might go back to the way they were before Charlotte’s revelation- fast becoming friends. Bernie knows she’ll never have anything more than that with Serena and somehow, that makes her want to make even more, to spend time in her company, to while away long weekday evenings when she’s on her own and to tell Serena her secrets. 

“Yes. Perhaps,” replies Serena with a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes as she heads for the door.

Bernie watches her go, wonders if things are actually worse than she thought with Serena- she couldn’t even bring herself to make eye contact, and every time she had to speak to Bernie, she looked flushed, as though she was angry. Taking her coffee and heading for her consulting room, Bernie resolves to try and make things better, using whatever means she can. She always feels better with a plan, after all. 

*****

That evening, Serena and Jason begin the first practise run for the cake competition. Serena finds it difficult to concentrate- has done all day if she’s honest, swinging wildly between still being cross at Bernie, and being confused by the emotions stirred up in her by last night’s dream. Every time she closes her eyes, images of Bernie touching her, whispering to her flood her mind. It’s getting tiring trying to ignore them.

“Aunty Serena?” asks Jason, clearly annoyed.

“Yes, sorry Jason, what is it?”

“You do not seem to be enjoying this, and you are making mistakes with the simplest elements of the recipe. Don’t you want to enter the competition this year? I thought you wanted to win your tenth trophy for the cake category?” Jason’s brow is furrowed- he’s clearly concerned that Serena has grown tired of baking with him. 

Serena reaches out and puts a hand on his arm. “I’m sorry Jason,” she offers with a reassuring pat. “I’ve just had a bit of a week so far. I promise, I am definitely keen to win this, just as much as you are.” She smiles, her first real smile of the day. “OK?” 

“OK,” replies Jason. 

“Then the world can go round. Right, can we salvage this mix, or should we start again?” Serena asks. 

They start again, Serena making a concerted effort this time to banish all thoughts of Bernie from her mind, and to be in the moment with Jason. Elly drifts into the kitchen later, and hops onto one of the stools at the counter. She doesn’t offer to help, but Serena is warmed by her presence, and she watches Elly for a few minutes, glad she’s here and choosing to spend time with her and also with Jason. It had been hard for a while- Elly resented his presence, didn’t understand why she should have to share her space and her life with this cousin she’d barely met before he moved in.

She and Serena had argued bitterly, and Elly at one point had announced her intent to go and live with her father and Liberty, his vacuous young wife. Serena had been devastated by this, but chose to let Elly make the decision and follow through on her words. She was gone for three weeks, but in those three weeks Serena had felt her absence almost physically. Knowing Elly to share her fiery temperament and stubborn streak, she had let things play out. If she had asked Elly to come home, begged, or even argued, Serena had known it would lead to a doubling down of her efforts to stay with Edward. 

Eventually she had arrived back home with no warning, announcing that she was back because her room here was bigger and that Serena’s cooking was better. Serena accepted that explanation, but really she knew that the more likely story was that she didn’t get the attention she wanted from her father, and that she missed the security and predictability of being at home. 

Elly frowns. “What is it, Mum? You're staring at me. You’ve been acting weird all week. Since Sunday. What’s going on?”

“I’m fine Elly, really.”

Elly raises an eyebrow, and Serena knows that this move is a carbon copy of her own, so she can’t even find it within herself to be cross. “So you’re telling me this has nothing at all to do with what Charlotte said about her mum?”

Serena is stunned. When did Elly get to be so perceptive. She purses her lips and exhales heavily. “Well, it was just a bit of a surprise is all. And you know how I feel about... that. About cheating.”

“I know mum. But really, it wasn’t the same. I know dad was a total arse, but Charlotte messaged me when she got home. Her mum was really pissed off she’d mentioned it. Charlotte told me what happened and it’s totally different.” Elly fixes her mother with a meaningful stare. “Apparently, Bernie, Doctor Wolfe, fell in love with a woman while she was in Afghanistan. They were really happy, and then they got blown up.”

Serena has moved towards Elinor and poured herself a large glass of red wine, leaving Jason to the baking. “So what happened after that? I mean, seeing as you have all the details from Charlotte, you may as well share them.” Serena ignores the thrill running down her spine at learning that Bernie had her affair with a woman. 

“When Doctor Wolfe came back to England to get better, she tried her hardest to make things work with Charlotte’s dad, but she was saying you could see her mum wasn’t happy. Apparently her dad was pretty horrible to her as well, saying stuff like the Army always came first and the rest of them came second, that she didn’t love them, that they found everything better when she was away. Then he asked her if she was an actual lesbian, and when she said she thought she was, her Dad started calling her a home wrecking dyke and saying all sorts off stuff about their love life.”

“That’s inexcusable, and from what little I know of Bernie, completely untrue. She’s honourable and she absolutely adores her kids. And regardless of everything he shouldn’t have made her feel ashamed of being a lesbian.” Serena feels the urge to stand up for Bernie where clearly nobody has before. She can’t put her finger on why exactly that is. 

“I know right! So then the woman she was having an affair with shows up one day, and Charlotte said all hell broke loose. Turns out that Doctor Wolfe had broken the affair off before they’d left Afghanistan, but the woman couldn’t accept it was over. And then obviously her father knew, and went apeshit...”

“Elinor, language!” Serena chides. 

“Okay, Okay. But he did. Shouting, screaming, throwing stuff. Charlotte and Cam went back to school the next day, and by the time they’d come home from school the following week, their mum had moved out. Charlotte said they didn’t really speak to her for a while. All that, and then the Army tells her she can’t work any more. Apparently she was not in a good way for quite some time.”

Serena contemplates what Elinor has told her. She still feels horribly disappointed that Bernie cheated, although Elinor is right, it was very different from the way Edward had behaved. And she can’t imagine how hard any of those events must have been individually: life threatening injuries, losing a job you loved, discovering you were gay at a late stage in life and your marriage blowing up. 

In fact the only thing Serena can empathise with is the sheer terror she felt at the thought that Elly may never speak to her again after Jason moved in and she went to her father’s. That alone makes her feel sorry for the other woman and how she’s been behaving towards her. 

“I can imagine that must have been very difficult for her,” is all Serena can manage to put into words, not wishing to voice any of her other thoughts.

“Charlotte also said that after she told her mum what she’d said here, while they were arguing, Doctor Wolfe said she was really angry at Charlie because she thought you’d hate her for being a cheat, and for not telling her. Is that true, mum. Do you hate her?”

Serena takes a long sip of her wine, eyebrows knitted together in thought. “I don’t, Elinor. I didn’t much appreciate her not mentioning it when we were talking about that sort of thing, though. I felt as though I’d been taken for a fool. But no. No, I don't hate her.”

“Good. I think she’s nice, and I don’t think you have enough friends. Charlotte says the same about you. So there you have it. We think you should be friends.”

With that, Elly grabs her phone and hops off the stool to head out of the kitchen and back up to her room. Serena can’t do anything but stare after her, confused by both the distinct feeling of their roles being reversed and the knowledge that Elly and Charlotte are discussing her and Bernie’s friendship (such as it is) by WhatsApp.


	5. Like a cactus, untouchable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena takes Elly’s words to heart. Bernie helps Serena out of a tight spot. Could things be changing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised I’d do a double upload this week. Back to a normal schedule now. Thanks as always to Pers for their endlessly patient beta-ing and general encouragement.

Serena and Jason spend a few nights working on various recipes. The (decidedly not poisonous) Death by Chocolate cake is definitely a front runner, but Elly throws a spanner in the works by suggesting a Biscoff cake Friday morning over breakfast. Jason is thoughtful for a few minutes before responding that he thinks although an unorthodox choice for the village baking competition, he believes the popularity of all things Biscoff recently would mean it would be remiss of them not to try it. 

“OK, when you have a chance, Jason, WhatsApp me any ingredients I will need to pick up and we can try this one over the weekend.” Serena says, clearing away her mug.

Elly and Jason head out to get the bus, and Serena follows out of the door a few minutes later to leave for work. Slipping into the driver’s seat of her green Saab, she drops her bags on the passenger side and goes to start the car. 

Nothing happens. 

She tries again. Still nothing. 

“Oh for...” she starts, rolling her eyes and turning the key a couple more times for good measure. “This bloody car.”

She pops the bonnet, climbs out and opening it fully, stares at the engine. She doesn’t know why really, as her knowledge of cars is minimal, but somehow she feels she ought to. She fishes her phone out of her coat pocket and searches through her contacts for the garage. Perhaps she can catch the bus with Elly and Jason if it hasn’t already gone. Serena can’t remember exactly what time the bus leaves so as she’s calling the garage, she walks down the drive to see if the kids are still there or if the bus has already left. 

Naturally, the bus has left. Serena mutters a curse under her breath and as she turns to head back to the house, she sees Bernie Wolfe striding across the road to her. 

“Everything alright?” Bernie asks. 

Serena squares her shoulders, trying not to let her frustration show. “Bloody car won’t start. I was just coming to see if the bus had already left, but I see it has.”

“The joys of public transport in rural Wyvernshire, eh?” Bernie offers with a small smile. 

Serena softens a bit at this. “Yes, it’s not ideal really.”

They’ve been walking towards Serena’s driveway, when Bernie puts her hand on Serena’s arm to stop her. “Would you like me to have a look at it. I mean, I’m not a car expert, but I did have to fix a few tanks out in the desert.”

Serena opens her mouth to say something cutting, and suddenly thinks about what Elinor said about Bernie. Instead she says “Yes thank you, I’d really appreciate that.”

Bernie nods, and they walk down the short drive to Serena’s car. 

“Okay, jump into the driver’s side, Serena, and try to start her up.” Bernie’s voice takes on an authoritative tone that sends Serena’s pulse racing.

Trying not to think about that, she follows the instructions and the car still doesn’t start. 

Bernie is leaning over the engine and shouts to Serena “Engine been growling or whining? Any intermittent smell of hot or burning rubber?”

Serena gets out and joins Bernie under the bonnet. “Define intermittent,” she says, raising an eyebrow.

Bernie grins at her. “Alternator might be cactus.”

“Cactus? Is that your.. ah... _medical_ opinion, Doctor Wolfe?”

Bernie nods gravely. “Afraid so, Doctor Campbell.”

“And that’s bad, right..?”

“Well. It is if you want to drive anywhere.” Bernie reaches up to close the bonnet. 

Serena’s breath catches as the move exposes a sliver of toned back. Bernie is looking especially gorgeous in the summer morning sunshine, a loose white short sleeved top and skinny black jeans. Her hair is tousled and it looks so soft, Serena thinks to herself. She wonders whether it feels as soft as it looks, and what would happen if she reached out to touch it. 

She jumps, snapped out of her daydream by the sound of Bernie slamming the bonnet closed. She can feel heat rushing to her cheeks as she wonders if the blonde can read her thoughts on her face. She needs to get a grip of herself, and fast. 

“Right.” Serena sighs. “Well, thanks for having a look- at least I know what’s probably wrong with it now.” She gestures to the house. “I’m going to call a cab and wait inside.”

“Nonsense!” Bernie practically shouts. “I’ll give you a lift- it’s crazy. We’re going to the same place. I insist.”

Serena hesitates momentarily, but Bernie is right. It would be crazy to call a cab when Bernie is making the exact same journey. “OK then. Lead on.”

*****

Serena secretly loves Bernie’s car. It’s slightly ridiculous, and she declines the offer of having the roof down, justifying that by saying that if she arrives at work after a drive with the roof down, her hair will be unmanageable for the rest of the day.

Bernie laughs at that. “It wouldn’t make a difference to mine. I always look like I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards, whatever I do.”

“It’s not so bad,” Serena jokes. “I imagine you save a lot of time on brushing and drying your hair!”

“Ha! Too right I do.”

They both smile at that and there follows a few moments of companionable silence. Serena thinks about her chat with Elly, wonders if Bernie knows what the girls are discussing. She decides to broach the topic. 

“So. It looks like our daughters have become firm friends. Every time Elly is on WhatsApp it seems like she’s chatting to Charlotte.”

Bernie glances over to Serena. “Ah yes, Charlotte did say that they’d been chatting a lot. I’m pleased- I always worry that Charlotte is too caught up in her studies to make any friends, but I don’t want to interfere- it took so long for her to even talk to me again after... after the divorce.”

Bernie has one hand on the gear stick and Serena reaches out to touch it. Bernie’s hand is cool, and soft, and Serena rubs her thumb over her knuckles. 

“I think they’ve been talking about us rather a lot, you know.” Serena pats Bernie’s hand and moves hers back to her lap. “Elly was telling me they think we should be friends. And Bernie, I think they’re probably right.”

Bernie stops the car at a red light and looks over to Serena, giving her a small, shy smile. “I think you’re probably right. And I think maybe I need to apologise to you. It’s just that.. well, I haven’t really talked about any of it with anyone, and I’m not very good about sharing things about myself at the best of times. I should have told you what I had done though, when you told me about Edward. When you were so honest- I should have done you the courtesy of being honest with you too.”

The light changes and Bernie is relieved to have a different focus for her attention now. 

“I’m told I can be rather self-righteous on occasion. It’s not a personality trait I’m proud of. Charlotte told Elly what happened. It’s completely different, I see that now, and I’m sorry for being such a... a bitch.”

Bernie blushes as her grip tightens on the steering wheel. “She... she told Elly what happened? And I ah, suppose that Elly has since told you. Right. OK. I may have to have words with Ms. Dunn about discussing other people’s personal lives.”

Serena snorts. “Don’t be too hard on her. I think she and Elinor were bonding over perceived parental failings. I dread to think what she told Charlotte about me. I’m sure you’ll hear all about it when she’s next at yours for the weekend.”

This gets a grimace. “I’m sorry, Serena, I’m not trying to be cagey, or particularly unforthcoming about this, but I assume you heard about Alex..?”

“Is that the woman you fell for while you were in Afghanistan?”

Bernie bites her lip and nods. 

“That must have been hard, coming to terms with something like that at this point in your life. Especially after marriage, kids etc. Was it a complete surprise?”

“Yes and no,” Bernie croaks out. “It was at the time- when Alex kissed me the first time, it was like someone turned the light on, and suddenly so much of my life, and my feelings made sense for the very first time. Looking back, it seemed pretty obvious, but my life had been school, medical school, Army. I hadn’t really had time to think about it. Plus, the Army was not exactly somewhere you could be a... you know... a...”

Bernie pauses and clears her throat and squares her shoulders, something Serena suspects is a subconscious movement.

Bernie continues to talk. “I’ve never actually said it out loud. I answered Marcus’s questions and accusations, but I’ve never actually said it, which is ridiculous. But yes, when I joined up, the army was not somewhere you could be an out lesbian.”

Bernie’s voice breaks a little on the last word. Serena feels her heart constrict a little in sympathy, and can’t imagine spending a lifetime hiding her real feelings. She’s not sure how to put that into words, so she reaches over and gives Bernie’s arm a squeeze. 

“You must feel a little relieved though, now all the hard parts are dealt with? I mean, now you don’t have to hide, you can enjoy being yourself, and you can start _playing the field_. 

Bernie laughs at this. “I’m not really the ‘playing the field’ type, I’m afraid. And I’m not exactly great relationship material. Buggered back, patched up heart, two teenage kids and a messy divorce. Not to mention that my idea of relaxing outside of work involves reading journals and research papers. It doesn’t make for an exciting Tinder profile, really.”

She swings the car into the car park. Serena raises an eyebrow and tells Bernie to use her space. “It’s the least I can do after you so gallantly came to my rescue.”

Bernie nods, and parks the car neatly. As they head into the surgery, they’re walking closely side by side. 

“I think you’re too hard on yourself” says Serena. “The back, the heart- all reminders of your years of selfless service. The other stuff? Find me someone over 40 who doesn’t have baggage. Besides, Bernie, you’re funny, you’re kind, you’re gorgeous. Who wouldn’t want to date you?”

Bernie has pulled the staff door open for Serena who sails through, leaving Bernie staring at her, mouth ajar. Had Serena Campbell just called her gorgeous? Bernie shook her head. She’s sure it doesn’t mean anything- Serena is one of those lucky people, she tells herself- unafraid to be herself with people, whether that is being effusive in her praise, or being tactile. Bernie jogs to catch her up. 

“Well, thank you. I’m not really sure I’m ready for the world of internet dating yet.”

“Fair enough,” says Serena, “but when you are, let me know...”

Bernie gulps, and feels herself blushing as Serena heads into her consultation room.

“I’ve completed many internet dating profiles over the years, so I’m something of an expert. I’d be happy to help.” The brunette finishes, closing the door behind her. 

Bernie stands in the corridor for a minute, trying to work out what just happened. It felt distinctly like Serena was flirting with her. Serena flirts with everyone, Bernie tells herself. Yes, she was just being friendly, nothing more. 

*****

Bernie’s mind keeps wandering to Serena throughout the day. She hopes this time the defrosting of relations will last. She’d like to spend more time with Serena, tells herself it would be nice to have a friend of a similar age, and similar experiences. It’s definitely not, she tells herself, anything to do with Serena’s beautiful eyes, the hair Bernie longs to run her fingers through, and the gorgeously sinful figure. 

After spending a short break between patients fruitlessly staring at paperwork and her mind drifting to thoughts of Serena, something strikes Bernie. 

“Oh Christ,” she groans under her breath. “I’ve got a bloody crush.”

She puts her head in her hands, and exhales slowly. This certainly complicates things, and it’s going to make life at home and at work more awkward if Bernie is too obvious. Serena is a dyed-in-the-wool heterosexual and although she’s clearly more comfortable in herself that Bernie is or has ever been, it seems unlikely she would appreciate being the object of Bernie’s desires.

Patients come and go through the morning- Bernie welcomes the distraction from thoughts of Serena, but her mind inevitably circles back to her when there’s a lull between activities. Bernie doesn’t want to injure the fragile detente, so she decides to do the only thing that she can. 

She will ignore this crush and concentrate on being friends. 

Starting with offering Serena a lift back home this evening. Bernie resolves that she’ll do that the next time she sees Serena. Which, naturally, is the next time Bernie goes to make herself a coffee. 

Bernie steps into the kitchen area and finds Serena staring out of the window while she waits for the kettle to boil. She looks beautiful, a soft smile on her lips and her eyes focussed on something distant. Bernie clears her throat to announce her presence and Serena spins round, raising her hand to her necklace. 

“Oh! You startled me. I was miles away then,” she exclaims. “You should wear louder shoes!”

Bernie smiles, looks down at her Converse. “Sorry. Here, let me make your coffee, you can get back to whatever had you miles away for a moment.”

Serena lets out a throaty chuckle. “It wasn’t that exciting. This weekend’s cake practise with Jason is Biscoff cake. I was just thinking about the ingredients and my logistical challenges being car-less for a couple of days. Debating whether to walk to Waitrose then get a cab home, or if I just suggest to Jason we do the practise once I have the car back instead. I’m not sure how he will take the change to his routine.”

“Oh, no need to worry.” Bernie says to her. “I was going to offer you a lift home as well. We can just swing by Waitrose if you like. It’s no bother, I need to pick up a couple of things anyway.” 

There’s a pause, and Bernie busies herself making the coffees. As she hands over Serena’s mug, the brunette looks at her with an expression Bernie can’t quite decipher. 

“If you’re sure it’s not too much trouble, that would be great, thank you. You’re a lifesaver, Bernie! But there’s one thing that occurred to me, and I need to ask you about it...”

Bernie’s heart sinks. Is Serena going to ask her about Alex, or about her sexuality. She’s not sure that she’s ready for either of those conversations right now. Certainly not without a lot of alcohol first.

“If you were a surgeon with the Army, what on earth were you doing learning to fix tanks?”

Relief washes over Bernie like cool water. “Ha! Well, you may not believe this, but there was occasionally down time, and I liked to try and make myself useful. So I figured fixing tanks probably used some of the same skills and thought processes as fixing people so I spent some time with the boys in the mechanics bays.”

Serena raises an eyebrow. “So, you can fix people, fix tanks, you can bake. Tell me, Doctor Wolfe, is there anything you can’t do. This Tinder profile is going to write itself, you know. You’ll have them queuing round the block.”

Bernie’s eyes widen as Serena winks. They both laugh at this, standing at the sink, wiping at their eyes.

“It’s been a long time since I laughed like that. Thank you Serena,” gasps Bernie, breathless with mirth. 

“Same. It’s been far too long.”

“Why don’t you come over to mine for dinner? I mean, if you don’t have plans tonight...” Bernie is emboldened by their sudden camaraderie, and can’t help asking. 

“I’d like that.”

Serena squeezes Bernie’s hand as she grabs her mug and heads to the door. “I’d like that a lot. Thank you.” 

Bernie can only nod, astonished that Serena said yes. The astonishment gives way to horror as she realises there’s nothing in the house. Still, at least they’re stopping by the supermarket later. She can pick something up there.

*****

By some miracle, they both leave the surgery within a few minutes of their official finishing time. 

“Hello you!” says Bernie, finding Serena lingering near the staff exit. 

“Hi. Thanks again for doing this. Are you absolutely sure that it’s not too much trouble?” asks Serena. 

Bernie shakes her head, blonde curls whipping around her face, “Don’t be silly. Come on!”

With that they leave and both fold themselves into Bernie’s Mazda. Traffic is slow, and the pair of them are quiet on the way to the supermarket. Once they arrive, Serena takes a trolley, and whips out her iPhone to bring up a shopping list. 

Bernie, meanwhile, produces a crumpled piece of paper from the pocket of her jeans.

“Old school, Doctor.” Serena snarks good-naturedly. 

“Ah, yes, well me and technology are not exactly happy bed-fellows. I only got a smart phone in the last year. Never really saw the need until I was home permanently. It took the kids ages to show me how to use WhatsApp.”

Serena looks at her. “I suppose I do have the advantage of Jason being on hand to answer all my tech related questions all the time. And for things like this he creates the list and sends it to me. It even gives me the option of ticking things off.”

Serena moves closer to Bernie, who is pushing the trolley now, to show her. Bernie can’t help but feel a thrill skitter across her skin when Serena brushes against her. 

“Mmmm, yes.” Bernie says, trying to resist the urge to breathe in the scent of Serena, her perfume, her laundry detergent, her skin product. 

It strikes Bernie as they push the trolley through the doors of the supermarket, that this is painfully domestic. A brief thought about how life might be if this was their life, being a couple, being together through the mundane things like grocery shopping as well as the more exciting things. She bites her lip and wills herself to think of something else, and realises that Serena has asked her a question. 

“Sorry, what?” says Bernie, a blush rising to her cheeks. 

“I asked if you had much on your list.”

“Oh right, not really- just a few things for tonight. Does Thai work for you? I thought we could have that with some wine.” Bernie asks. 

“Sounds divine. Ok, let's do this shall we?”

With that, Serena marches off, and Bernie springs into action, following her with the trolley. Serena is buying several baking ingredients, and several jars of what Bernie thinks might be peanut butter, but Serena explains with a laugh in her voice that it’s something called Biscoff. Bernie is none the wiser, but nods as if everything is clear, and they continue around like an old married couple, picking up the bits and pieces they both need. 

They checkout, chatting about various things, cakes, and their kids, and then head back to the car. Although they only have two bags each, there’s barely room in the boot of Bernie’s car to fit them.

“Remind me not to ask for a lift when I do my weekly shop” Serena says, squashing her bag down and slamming the boot lid. 

“Ah, yes- it’s not exactly the most practical car, I will grant you. It was a gift to myself when I left the Army. I wanted the two seater version, but I’ll have to wait until the kids are a bit older to get that!”

Serena nods. “It suits you though. I mean, it’s sporty, exciting, and it looks lovely. I can see how someone would be tempted.”

Internally, Serena berates herself for sounding like such a cliche. Bernie, seems not to have noticed, for which Serena is extremely grateful.

The journey home is quiet, both of them thoughtful, but not the icy silence of before. It doesn’t take too long and they arrive home, Bernie stopping in front of Serena’s driveway.

“So you don’t have to carry your bags too far,” shrugs Bernie, when Serena protests that it was entirely unnecessary to take her practically to her door. 

“Well, I appreciate all your help today. You’ve certainly made my life much easier. Thank you.”

“Anytime,” replies Bernie, earnestly. “So, come over for about eight. I will have dinner ready.”

Serena reaches out and squeezes Bernie’s hand. “See you later.”


	6. Unstoppable Forces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie and Serena get closer, neither one realising the other is feeling the same. Serena and Jason work on perfecting their Biscoff cake recipe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your lovely comments on previous chapters- it makes my day to read them! This chapter got away from me a bit, but hey- more of our faves is no bad thing, right?

Serena pauses in front of her wardrobe, chides herself about worrying what to wear, tells herself that it’s just dinner with a friend and there’s no need to get dressed up. Still, she finds herself wanting to make an effort for the evening, for seeing Bernie. Eventually she settles on a cashmere sweater, and some dark jeans that show off her figure. Casual enough she won’t feel overdressed, but luxurious enough that it will be apparent she has taken some care over dressing for the evening. 

Spritzing some perfume on, she checks her lipstick one more time in the mirror and heads downstairs. 

“You look nice, mum” Elly remarks. “I didn’t know you were out for dinner tonight.”

“Ah, I’m not... well, not exactly. I’m going to Bernie’s for dinner.”

Elly grins. “I’ll have to WhatsApp Charlotte! I wonder if she knows yet?” Elly is tapping away on her phone. 

“About that, Elly... I’m delighted you and Charlotte seem to have hit it off, truly I am, but perhaps the two of you should share a little less about your parents and their... their failings. Bernie was rather unimpressed that Charlotte had over shared as much as she did.”

Elly lowers her phone and has the good grace to look a little sheepish. “Sorry mum. I just don’t think Charlotte’s really spoken to anyone about it all, you know. None of her school friends have divorced parents, so...” Elly shrugs. 

Serena reaches over and squeezes her daughter’s hand, and takes a moment to relish in the connection she and her daughter have. “I’m so proud of you darling. I’m glad you’re helping Charlotte, but just remember that her mum is entitled to a private life too. Perhaps you should just be a bit more careful about what you discuss.”

Elly looks at her mother. “You’re right I suppose. It’s just that she wanted so badly to talk about it all. I’m sorry. I just remembered how it has been since you and Dad split, and how it’s good to have someone to talk to about things.”

Serena feels a wave of love for her daughter wash over her. It can be hard, navigating life as the parent of a teenager, but at moments like this she is reminded how lucky she is, and how Elly is turning into a thoughtful, independent young woman. 

“So is this like, a date...?” Elly’s question breaks Serena’s musing. 

“What? No, of course not. I’m just going to a friend’s house for dinner. Don’t be silly Elinor! Would you ask me that if I went for dinner with Sian or with Collette?” Serena can feel the pitch of her voice rise, and a blush is creeping up her neck.

Elly raises her hands in a surrender gesture. “OK, OK. I get the picture. Anyway, I’m not sure that you’re Doctor Wolfe’s type.”

Serena plants her hands on her hips. “And what exactly is that supposed to mean?”

“Woah mum... I just mean that you’re not into women. So obviously that’s off the cards. Which is a shame, because me and Charlotte reckon you two would be total hashtag-couple goals.”

“Hashtag couple goals... What on earth are you talking about? Am I paying a fortune for your education only for you to be unable to speak English?”

With that, Elly rolls her eyes and slides off the stool at the breakfast bar. She leans in to plant a kiss on Serena’s cheek. “Have fun, mum. We won’t wait up.”

“Thanks darling. I’ve left money for take-out if you and Jason want.”

Serena takes a deep breath, not thinking too hard about why she’s so nervous, and grabs her phone and a bottle of wine. 

*****

It’s a beautiful summer evening as Serena crosses the road to Bernie’s. She smooths down her jumper as she reaches up to knock on the door. When Bernie answers, Serena is taken aback by the vision in front of her. The blonde is wearing a linen shirt dress that shows off her long, toned legs, and just enough buttons undone that her collarbones and the slightest hint of cleavage are visible. 

“Serena! Come in. You look lovely,” exclaims Bernie, taking the offered bottle of wine. 

“Thanks,” Serena chokes out. “You too. You should wear dresses more often.” Colour immediately rises to her cheeks and Serena curses inwardly at being unable to keep her comments to herself. 

“Ah, yes. I’m still trying to get used to not having to wear a uniform if I’m honest. The kids accused me of wearing skinny jeans and converse like a civilian uniform, so Charlotte and I went shopping.” She gestures to the dress. “I’m still not entirely sold on the whole dress thing if I’m being honest, but I promised Charlotte I would make a good-faith effort to wear everything we bought.”

Serena isn't sure how she is going to get through the evening in one piece with Bernie wearing that. Images come flooding into her mind, of her fingers undoing the buttons on the dress, and planting a kiss to those beautiful collarbones. 

She shakes her head to drive the images out, and decides to broach a neutral topic. “Dinner smells delicious, Bernie. It’s been ages since I had Thai food.” They walk through to the kitchen which has a farmhouse style dining table in the centre that is set for two. Bernie gestures for Serena to sit. 

“Wine?”

Serena grins. “Is that actually a question?”

“Good point,” laughs Bernie, twisting the cap off the bottle and pouring two generous glasses. She checks one of the pots before coming to sit by Serena. 

“I’m glad you’re here,” Bernie says softly. 

“Cheers to that,” Serena raises her glass to tap against Bernie’s. She can’t help meeting Bernie’s gaze over the top of their wine glasses, and Serena wonders for an instant if her feelings might be reciprocated. The moment stretches, and seems full of promise, and as Serena is thinking that she might say something, a buzzer goes off. 

They both startle, and Bernie leaps up to tend to their food. She plates up two delicious-looking dishes of Thai green curry and brings them to the table. 

“Oh Bernie, this looks as good as it smells!”

They smile at each other, the momentary awkwardness forgotten as they begin to chat about their days. The curry is soon finished, and Bernie suggests they move through to the living room for a couple more glasses of wine. Never one to argue as far as wine is concerned, Serena nods her assent and follows Bernie. 

*****

Serena sits at one end of the comfortable leather sofa, unable to tear her eyes away from Bernie, who sits at the other end. The doors to the patio are wide open, and the scent of honeysuckle and jasmine drifts in from outside on a gentle breeze. 

“I love this room. It gets so much light during the day, and although I love the warm weather, there’s part of me that can’t wait for winter to light the fire.” 

Serena nods. “I feel the same way, nothing beats a roaring fire when the weather outside is terrible. I love curling up with a book in front of mine.”

Bernie agrees. “It’s even better when there’s someone to curl up with.”

The silence stretches between them, full of unspoken things. Serena smiles nervously, can’t help but dispel the awkward atmosphere in case she says something inappropriate. “Well, there’s something for your online dating profile- ‘Gorgeous ex-army medic looking for a special someone to curl up in front of a fire with...’ That would be perfect Bernie!”

Bernie snorts at this. “I think you might need to be worried about misrepresentation there, Serena. Does anyone actually fall for that kind of stuff, or is it just based on pictures now- you know, swiping left or right or whatever direction?”

They both giggle at that and Serena feels delightfully, deliriously like a schoolgirl. “I think you’d do OK on that front too. Elly is in serious doubt about your previous military career- she’s convinced you must have been a model or an actress. I think she’s a bit envious of Charlotte that she’s got tall, blonde and beautiful genes whereas I have nothing much to offer except a sharp tongue and the ability to take a grudge to the grave!”

Bernie knows that Serena is being flippant, but she can’t help herself. “Oh no- Serena that’s not true. You’re beautiful, you know, and I would kill for your confidence. Elinor is an extremely lucky young lady if she takes after you even a tiny bit.” 

Serena is speechless. Did Bernie really just say she was beautiful. Not for the first time this evening Serena wonders if that means that perhaps the attraction is not just on her side. Although perhaps it’s just Bernie being kind. Yes, that’s probably it, Serena decides. Bernie is just being kind, repaying a compliment. 

Serena reaches out across the sofa to squeeze Bernie’s knee. “Thank you. You’re very sweet!” The touch is like an electric shock, and Serena pulls her hand away. Bernie clears her throat, and they slip back into awkward silence. 

Serena finds herself wishing that Sian was here to give her advice, or more likely to cajole her into doing something reckless like kissing Bernie. Sian never seems to have any hesitation when it comes to acting on her desires. Though this gives Serena an idea, which may be ill-advised, but to hell with it, she thinks. 

“I’ve got this friend, Sian,” she begins, and Bernie raises an eyebrow. “She’s something of a whizz when it comes to setting people up. If you’re not quite ready for internet dating, I could always have a word with her- I bet she knows someone who would be perfect for you.”

“Hmm. How well do you know this Sian? I don’t want to end up with some crazy axe murderer,” Bernie jokes. 

“Oh don’t worry. Sian and I went to university together. She’s my oldest friend, and I have to say she’s pretty good at matchmaking. Going on her track record, you may not find the love of your life, but she’ll almost certainly find you someone to have a good time with!”

Bernie frowns. “Oh, I’m not sure, Serena. I mean, I’m not great at the whole relationship thing, and maybe I should just settle in a bit to village life first, see who I meet around here.”

Serena chuckles at this. “I hate to break it to you, Bernie, but Lower Holby, population 800, doesn’t exactly have a thrilling gay nightlife.” She winks. “Or really any nightlife at all, to be honest, unless you count a round of darts at the pub.”

“I’ll have you know I was the darts champion on base in 2012.” Says Bernie, who manages to keep a straight face for all of 10 seconds before laughing. 

They while away the night like that, laughing together, swapping stories of parenting teens, and divorces, until Serena catches sight of the time at nearly midnight.

“Oh god! I need to get home and go to bed, Bernie, I’m taking Elly to hockey practice at 8:30, and then the rest of the morning is baking with Jason! I’ve had such a wonderful night though, thanks to you.”

They move to the door, which Bernie opens for Serena, and they stand, looking at each other, uncertain how to say goodbye. Serena eventually pulls Bernie into a tight hug. “This is much better than being at each other’s throats. I’ve had a wonderful evening, Bernie. Thank you.” 

“Me too,” Bernie whispers, trying her hardest not to notice the delicious smell of her shampoo, how soft her hair is and how perfectly they fit together. 

Pulling back, Serena drops a kiss on Bernie’s cheek and turns to walk back to her house. Bernie stands at her door, fingers tracing over her burning skin watching Serena turn into her driveway. 

*****

Bernie retreats inside, closing the door softly, and begins to tidy away the traces of the evening. After loading up the dishwasher, she pours herself a generous measure of whisky and heads back to the living room. There’s still soft music playing in the background- she’s not sure what- some app that one of the kids had downloaded for her that shuffles music around, but it’s lovely, and she settles onto the sofa with a groan, stretching her long legs out along the length of it. 

Taking a large mouthful of the amber liquid, Bernie closes her eyes as it warms her mouth and her throat. Images of Serena float behind her eyelids, and Bernie feels a different kind of warmth rising up in her stomach. She thinks for a moment that Serena may possibly be the most beautiful woman she’s ever met, and tonight did nothing to alter that belief. Her mind lingers on the way the thin cashmere sweater clung to the other woman’s curves, the deep vee of the neckline revealing just enough cleavage that the mere thought of it makes Bernie’s head swim. 

Bernie startles awake early, the sun just blushing the sky. She’s still on the sofa, in her linen dress, empty whisky glass next to her. She knows her back is not going to thank her for this, and she grimaces at the smell of stale whisky. Wandering into the kitchen with last night’s glass, she remembers the way Serena looked, the way their eyes had met, and she feels herself getting uncomfortably aroused. 

“Far too early for this kind of thing, Wolfe,” she murmurs to herself, taking the orange juice out of the fridge and pouring herself a large glass. She leans against the worktop, contemplating her next move. She’s tempted to go to her bed, to lie back and let thoughts of Serena overtake her while she relieves some of this tension. But Bernie somehow feels guilty at the thought of this, doesn’t want to reduce Serena down to some erotic fantasy figure. She wonders what that might mean, and an unexpected word percolates through her thoughts. Love. 

No. It can’t be that. Really, she hardly knows Serena, and Bernie is definitely not one to believe in love at first sight. It’s physical, she tells herself, and she’s just lonely and trying to get back to some sort of a normal life. Yes. That’s it. She’s mistaking fondness, friendship and OK, intense physical attraction for something more than it is. And besides, she tells herself, Serena is straight and it’s never a good idea to fall for a straight friend. 

Bernie feels the tension in her body rising and decides that the best way to deal with it is to go for a run. She’s only done some short treadmill runs since moving, but she wants to get out and explore the countryside around Lower Holby. It will clear her mind, too. 

A few minutes later, hair tied back in a messy ponytail, smartwatch primed, Bernie is lacing up her trainers and stretching out. She has a vague idea where she’s going to go as she steps out into the gorgeous early morning sunshine. This is her favourite time of year to run- everything about it is ideal, the light, the weather, the scenery. 

Setting off at a gentle pace, Bernie threads through the village, enjoying the peacefulness. There is nobody to be seen as she crests the hill the village was built on and turns to run up the track to the village church, which overlooks the surrounding countryside. This is a steeper climb and the burn in her lungs and the stretch in her legs feels good already, barely a mile in. The views from the top of the hill remind Bernie ofwhy she had moved out to Lower Holby, and she continues along the ridge of the hill before turning down to descend the hill. 

Her route eventually brings her to the canal that runs near the village, and feeling invigorated by the run and her surroundings she continues along the towpath, enjoying the closeness to the water and the wildlife she encounters. She might have to run this route with the kids, she knows Charlotte still runs as part of her training for hockey, and Cameron still does it more for fun and relaxation, now his studies are taking up more of his time. 

She’s excited to see the kids next weekend and thought that she might bake with them. If they practiced the chocolate cake and it was of a reasonable standard, she reckoned that they’d agree to enter it into the fete’s baking competition. It was silly really, but it felt like a huge milestone to be able to _do_ things with her children. She’d promised herself that she’d live what she considered to be her second chance to the fullest and that started and ended with Cam and Charlie. 

She was so lost in thought that she barely realises that she was coming back into the village. She is only a short way from the green, so she slows to a walk for the last hundred yards, stretching out her arms and her back. As she reaches the green and her home, she decides to take advantage of the peace and quiet and do a few final stretches before she goes inside. Glancing at her smartwatch, she sees that she’s run almost 10k, which she is very pleased with. Solid progress indeed for someone who barely a year ago wasn’t sure if she’d be able to walk again. 

Better still, she’d beaten back her thoughts about Serena, and now when the other woman crosses her mind it is as Bernie’s friend, not the focus of her desires. If the Army had taught her anything, it was how to suppress things. Come to think of it, so had her marriage. She chuckles bleakly at that thought and enters the house to make breakfast. 

*****

Elly grabs a slice of toast off the counter in the kitchen and rushes towards the door. “Come on Mum, or I’ll be late. I’ve already loaded my kit into the car.”

“Coming,” Serena groans, bitterly regretting the wine she’d had last night. She can't wait until Elly or Jason get their driving licences and could take themselves to things like this. The car had been delivered back to Serena last night, which she was grateful for, although she could have done without the early start. Bernie had been absolutely right. The man from the garage had said the alternator was toast, and had been replaced. 

Bernie. Thoughts of last night came back in a rush. Long, toned legs going on and on. The dress showing off her collarbones, and the messy blonde hair that Serena was desperate to touch. God, you’ve got it bad, Campbell, she thinks, getting into the car. 

To Serena’s dismay, as they pull out of the drive onto the road, she catches sight of Bernie, dressed in running gear. Impossibly long legs in shorts, this time, and a cropped, baggy vest that covered the smallest of sports bras. As the blonde reaches up to stretch out after what was clearly an early run, Serena feels her mouth go dry, and her throat constrict. This was not helping her to ignore this ridiculous crush. 

“Oh, look Mum, it’s Doctor Wolfe,” Elly says. “She must have been out for a run.”

“Mmm,” replies Serena, trying to affect an air of casual disinterest. “I suppose it’s an army habit.”

“That’s so cool. I bet she has some great training tips. Do you think she’d answer some questions? I could do with some guidance on how to improve my strength for hockey. She looks pretty strong, don’t you think?”

Serena wants to say that she thinks with muscle definition like that there’s no doubt she’d be strong, but instead manages to say something more neutral. “I’m sure she had to pass physicals in the Army, and I’m sure that she’d be happy to give you some tips. Maybe when you see Charlotte next weekend, you can ask her then.”

“Good idea, Mum!” Elly’s attention is then diverted to some tale of intra team drama and power struggles, and Serena breathes a sigh of relief that Bernie isn’t mentioned again on the way over. 

She kisses Elly goodbye at the training grounds, and reminds her Gaby’s mum is giving her a lift home, and then she heads back to Lower Holby to begin baking practice with Jason. 

*****

Jason is waiting patiently, watching baking videos on YouTube when Serena arrives back. 

“Hello Aunty Serena,” he greets her when she comes through the door. “I’ve got all our ingredients ready, and I have plugged in the mixer. I was waiting until you got back to preheat the oven as I wasn’t sure if you would be stopping to get a coffee on the way home.”

“Ah, yes, I did stop, but I got it to-go as I knew we were practising this morning” she tells him, holding up her reusable cup. “I can’t function on a Saturday without my coffee as you well know!”

“An acceptable compromise- you get coffee, we don’t lose time baking. Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome Jason. Now, do we have the recipe? Neither of us has made Biscoff cake before so I suggest we follow the recipe. We can make notes and suggestions once we’ve tried it once, I think. Does that sound OK to you?”

“Yes, I believe doing it that way will provide us with an adequate baseline for making improvements and customisations to the recipe. And I printed the recipe off, with space for notes and comments as we go, and at the end.” He holds up a piece of paper. 

“Thank you Jason, I’m glad you’re prepared. Now, shall we start?” Serena asks, reaching behind herself to secure her apron strings. 

Jason hops down from the stool. “Yes, let’s!”

They work quietly and efficiently together, the silence and concentration occasionally broken as one of them asks to see the recipe or pass a particular ingredient or tool. Serena knows how calming the order and predictability of baking is for Jason, and she finds that she thinks of it this way too. It’s almost scientific, she thinks. You add X to Y, you get Z. As long as your measurements, and your conditions are correct and repeatable, you know how things are going to work out. 

It’s been a delight for Serena to watch Jason blossom since coming to live with her. People thought that she was crazy, taking on another teenager, especially one with such specific needs. A lot of them thought (rather patronisingly Serena felt), that Serena was going to teach Jason about the world and how to function in society. She had quickly come to the conclusion that in reality, she was helping Jason along the way to adulthood, just as she was with Elly, but she had gained as much from his presence in their home as he had. She knew Elly had as well, although she wasn’t sure if the girl would admit, or even realise that, but once she had overcome her initial displeasure, Serena had noticed a new patience, and kindness in Elly that hadn’t been there previously.

Adding the final touches to the cake mix, she opens the oven door for Jason to slide the cake tin in. Closing it with a flourish, she sets the timer and sits down as Jason pours them both a glass of water.

“Thank you Jason,” she says, taking a sip. “I think that went well- I’m interested to see what the results are like, and whether this is a serious contender for the cake competition.”

“Mmm,” agrees Jason. “I think that it will be. Although not as traditionally popular as chocolate cakes, I believe that Biscoff is very much a trend that is enjoying a rapid rise in popularity, especially on Instagram.” He nods solemnly at that. 

“Instagram...? Really?” Serena asks with a raised eyebrow. Jason generally showed little interest in social media beyond following a few Doctor Who actors on Twitter. “I didn’t know you had an Instagram account.”

“Everyone has an Instagram account these days, Aunty Serena. It’s all for the ‘gram, you know.”

Serena can’t quite believe what she’s hearing and is momentarily at a loss for words. 

“I’m just joking. Elinor told me to say that- she said it would be hilarious, and she’s right. Your face was a picture. I can’t wait to tell her when she gets back from hockey practice!”

Serena laughs at that, not quite believing she fell for it, feeling a great warmth in her soul at the thought of her two favourite people conspiring together, even if it is at her expense. 

Her phone pings, bringing her back to reality. It’s Bernie, and suddenly her heart is in her mouth.

_Hi Serena, I had a lovely time last night. I was wondering what you were doing this afternoon and if you fancied going for a walk later on. I’m still exploring the area, and I thought you might have some ideas for the best routes. I’ve found some while running, but it would be nice to have company._

Serena can think of nothing that she’d enjoy more. Maybe if they work on the friendship thing, she won’t find herself so perturbed by the crush. Yes, that seems a reasonable solution. After all, she’s never reacted like that to any of her other friends. It’s just hormones and the early tension in their relationship Serena tells herself. And she did have a good time last night- it’s nice to have someone to share a glass of wine with in the village!

_I’d really enjoy that Bernie. I’ve got some ideas, yes. How does 5pm sound, then I will be back in time to have dinner with the kids. Elly mentioned she saw you finishing up a run this morning. I’m impressed- I was barely awake enough to get dressed!_

_Old habits! 5pm sounds great- I’ll come and knock for you._

*****

The cake is a roaring success. She and Jason make some notes and share some ideas on where they might make improvements. Elly returns home from hockey, tries the cake and declares it delicious, and announces that she is staying the night at Gaby’s, and would be taking some of the ‘totes delish’ cake with her. Serena nods, gives Elly a kiss as she leaves, and then Jason informs her that he is going to be researching something related to one of his college courses so will have a sandwich at his desk this evening.

This is how she finds herself alone in the kitchen in trainers, leggings and a flowy T-shirt waiting for Bernie. She’s let Jason know she’s going for a walk and she will have her phone with her. There’s a knock at the door, and Serena’s heart starts to race. She calls a goodbye to Jason as she unlocks the door. 

Bernie looks breathtaking. A pale pink linen shirt with sleeves rolled up over a tight white vest top and cutoff denim shorts. Serena feels dull and frumpy next to Bernie.

“Serena, you look lovely! I feel far too casual now,” Bernie says with a rueful smile. 

“Nonsense, you’re perfect,” Serena replies, instantly feeling herself cringe at her own words. She carries on in the hopes Bernie won’t have noticed. “Besides, we’re just off for a walk, not dinner at a fancy restaurant. Though I wouldn’t object to a glass of wine at the pub on the way back!”

“Ha! After a repeat of last night?” Bernie jokes as they set off. 

“Maybe not quite as much as last night, although I don’t have to get up so early tomorrow morning so that’s a definite plus.”

“Good point. Well in that case, consider me convinced. Now, show me the sights, Campbell!”

They once again fall into a companionable silence, broken only by Serena pointing out things of interest. A 500 year old oak tree, the oldest house in the village, the site of an ancient well. Lower Holby is bursting at the seams with that sort of thing- glorious local history, inconsequential on a larger scale but things that bring the village to life around them. 

Bernie finds herself amazed by Serena’s knowledge of the local area and says so, smiles affectionately as Serena tells her that it was Jason who researched many of these things first. 

“He loves history,” Serena explains. “I think partly because there are no surprises, everything has happened already so there’s no worry that something is going to come along and change everything.”

Bernie nods in understanding. “I felt the same way about maths and science. You can predict the output. But I do enjoy the human element that comes with medicine. It adds an element of chaos that I thrive on!”

Serena bumps Bernie’s shoulder with her own. “You and chaos? I’d never have thought it!”

They both laugh as they round a corner towards the canal. 

“I came along here on my run this morning,” Bernie tells Serena. 

“Just how far did you run earlier?” Serena asks.

“Oh, it wasn’t massive, just 10k. I just wanted to clear my head.”

“Things on your mind?” Serena says sympathetically, thinking that the things on Bernie’s mind are much more likely to be along the lines of beating her personal best 10k time rather than working out how to get over a crush on her newest friend.

Bernie can feel herself blushing, tries not to let on that the thing on her mind, the _only_ thing on her mind these days is Serena. She’s never been good at lying, but she’s able to avoid the awkward truth like a pro. 

“Oh, you know, I was feeling a bit fuzzy after the wine last night, plus I had a whisky after you left. I thought a run would blow away the cobwebs. I’m also trying to improve my stamina after the accident. I have to keep reminding myself that like the physio said, it’s going to be an ongoing process. But I’m not too far of my pre-accident 10k time now.”

Serena shakes her head. “I knew it. You’re actually one of those insane people who does sport for fun.” They look at each other and Serena reaches out to take Bernie’s hand. Their fingers slot together perfectly and Serena shakes her head sadly. 

“I don’t think we can be friends after all. It would never work,” says Serena, morosely. 

“What?” Bernie breathes, her heart feeling as though it might stop beating completely.

“It’ll be great to begin with. Evenings like last night, lovely summer walks like this. It’ll be perfect.”

Bernie nods mutely, trying not to show her disappointment at Serena’s sudden pronouncement, or her confusion at the change of heart. 

“And then one day,” Serena continues “out of the blue, you’re going to ask me to do a fun run, or an obstacle course race with you Bernie, and I absolutely will not do that, not for you, not for anyone.”

Bernie breathes a sigh of relief- she’s been had. “Ridiculous woman!” she chides. 

“Oh Bernie, you’re an absolute treat to wind up! But I am serious, if you ever try to get me to join you on a fun run, nobody will ever find your body.”

“Duly noted,” she replies with a laugh. 

They are still holding hands as they continue their walk. It feels so natural, so familiar somehow that neither notices. Bernie feels content for the first time in a long time, and marvels at the way Serena has been part of this new contentment even though the woman herself probably doesn’t realise it. Bernie thinks about telling her, decides better of it. Why ruin what they have by placing too much pressure on it. If this is how she is close to Serena, Bernie thinks that this will be just fine. 

Serena too, feels a deep sense of peace, her new friendship with Bernie seems to be the piece of her life that she didn’t know was missing. She didn’t feel this way at all with Angus, or with Robbie, and certainly not with Edward. If this is how they will be, close friends who enrich each other’s lives, Serena thinks she can absolutely live with that and be happy.


	7. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie and Serena are both struggling with their growing attraction, each unaware of the other’s feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As ever, thanks to Persiflage for their tireless beta-ing in the face of my crummy typing and inattention to detail! 
> 
> I’m sorry this has taken forever. Between Christmas and Lockdown 3 my time and motivation has been under pressure.

Bernie and Serena fall into an easy rhythm of friendship now, the earlier tension between the two women seeming to have completely melted away. Serena suggests one day that perhaps they ought to car share. For the environment, she tells Bernie, and ignores the voice inside her that says it’s because she’d do anything to spend a little more time with the blonde who over the course of a few weeks has got under her skin. 

The crush isn’t abating, as Serena had hoped it might, but rather she finds deepening. This was not part of her plan. The idea was to embrace friendship, and to get over the crush. Instead, her feelings towards Bernie intensify if anything, and Serena realises that the other woman is never far from her thoughts. 

In fact, if Serena didn’t know better, she’d think she was falling in love. She shuts that thought down as quickly as it springs into her mind. That would be ridiculous on a number of levels, she thinks to herself, beginning with ‘I’ve never even kissed a woman’, right through to ‘even if it was love, there’s no way it would be reciprocated.’ Serena imagines that Bernie’s “type” would be slightly more athletic, gung-ho, more or less everything Serena is not. So it’s a moot point whichever way she cuts it. 

But Serena’s subconscious has other ideas. Night after night, she’s waking from vivid dreams of her and Bernie. Some of them are soft, domesticated happiness- holding hands and stroking hair and whispering words of adoration; others are raw, sweaty, unadulterated passion, fingers and lips roaming over each others’ bodies until they reach an inevitable crescendo.

Serena finds those particularly difficult, waking up with an intense need to finish what the dreams start for her, and yet she feels oddly guilty imagining Bernie in bed with her. Somehow, she thinks, Bernie deserves so much more than being a middle aged woman’s sapphic awakening dream fodder.

The other dreams are softer, and while she doesn’t awake from those with a burning physical desire, she realises that they do leave her yearning for something she doesn’t have, which is someone she cares about, and who cares for her in return to share her life with. Those dreams leave her with an air of melancholy that she finds can only be dispelled by Bernie. Serena is concerned- this surely can’t be healthy, and yet she finds herself unwilling to pull away and distance herself from Bernie. 

Perhaps the coming weekend, when Cameron and Charlotte are staying with Bernie on their break from school will provide a bit of de-escalation. With all the kids there, even with the inevitable socialising, they are bound to provide some diffusion. Yes, she thinks- she, Elly and Jason will go over on Saturday for a late lunch, and the presence of the four kids will absolutely distract from everything else, she’s almost certain of it.

*****

Bernie is enjoying the new closeness with Serena. It’s been a long time since she’s had a friend, she thinks, and she has forgotten how good it feels. And OK, Serena may also be an incredibly beautiful woman, but Bernie has some self-control, and she can manage a harmless crush. After all, she spent decades pushing her feelings down until they were buried so completely it was a miracle even the super-confident and unashamedly out-and-proud Alex Dawson had made any inroads with her. 

The plan is fool-proof. She and Serena will car share a couple of times this week, will make each other coffees at work, will chat about their kids, the roadworks on the way in, and what they watched on TV last night. Just like colleagues do. Like friends do. Friends absolutely do all those things.

What friends don’t do, however, is have erotic dreams about their friends, the kind that leave them gasping for breath, and with skin on fire.

Bernie is struggling to get more than a few hours sleep a night, due to the increasing frequency of these dreams. Finding herself up at all hours, she’s getting a lot of baking practice in, as she finds the process of making cakes and muffins and scones takes her mind away from her rapidly growing feelings for Serena. While she’s concentrating on adding ingredients together in the perfect ratio, and mixing batters to the perfect texture, she’s not thinking about the sound of Serena’s voice echoing from her dreams, telling her that she loves Bernie, that she can’t get enough of her, that she’s beautiful and cherished, words of adoration tumbling from her lips. 

After three days, the other staff at the surgery are begging her to stop bringing in cakes. Fletch pokes Raf in the gut one afternoon as they all stand in the kitchen and chastises Bernie for making such irresistible cake. 

“Look at us, Major. You’re going to have to swap the cake for PT everyday,” he says, patting his own stomach. 

Bernie honks out a laugh at that. “Can be arranged Mr Fletcher. You two could always come on a brisk 10-miler with me on Saturday morning.”

Raf groans and Fletch holds his hands up. “You must be mad. Nobody runs 10 miles first thing on a Saturday.”

“She is absolutely mad, and she absolutely does run on Saturdays. I’ve seen the evidence when I take Elly to hockey practice!” comes a voice from the kitchen doorway. 

Bernie whips around at that- she hadn’t realised Serena had been standing there, but her face breaks into a bright smile when she sees the brunette. 

Bernie watches as Serena comes into the kitchen with her mug. 

“The major here,” she nods at Bernie, “cuts _quite_ the figure in Lycra. I am not convinced you two gentlemen would be able to keep up though. Perhaps something a bit gentler for them, Doctor Wolfe?” She winks at Bernie, who feels herself blushing.

“Ah, I’m sure I could arrange something. Maybe some circuits, or an obstacle course would be better for you,” Bernie says to Raf and Fletch with a perfectly dead-pan expression on her face. “In fact, I could put in some calls and maybe we could do a team outing to do the obstacle course that we train new recruits on. What a great idea.” 

Raf and Fletch exchanged pained looks. 

“Oh, I’m not sure that’s totally necessary, Doctor Wolfe,” ventures Raf. “I mean, maybe we’ll just join our local park run or something, maybe do that.”

“Yeah, an’ I’ve got this old ankle injury,” Fletch interjects, “could be a bit unwise to be jumping over things, you know.”

“Nonsense!” chirps Bernie, who gets her phone out of her pocket very deliberately. “In fact I’ll call him now.”

She turns her face towards her phone, but meets Serena’s eye, and knows instantly that the other woman knows exactly what she’s up to. She quirks an eyebrow in confirmation before she begins tapping out a message. 

Raf and Fletch are elbowing each other and whispering frantically, and Bernie is thoroughly enjoying watching them panic about how they might escape this enforced fun. 

Eventually Serena can take it no more and snorts before falling into peals of helpless laughter. 

“You two, honestly. I’ve never seen such uncomfortable squirming since watching your Mikey trying to get out of putting the dishes away,” she guffaws. “Your faces were priceless though.”

Bernie starts laughing at this too. “I can’t believe you actually thought I was going to take you on some sort of basic training exercise. Although it would be good entertainment, I’m sure!”

Fletch and Raf join in the laughter, then, telling Bernie her delivery was perfect, and she really had them going. 

“I swear,” gasps Fletch, “worse terror than when my PE teacher used to say it was cross country.”

They eventually catch their breaths and compose themselves, Fletch cheekily taking a piece of cake on his way out, and winking at Bernie as he passes her. 

She turns back to the sink to make her coffee and finds Serena watching her with a soft expression on her face. 

“What?” asks Bernie.

“They really like you, you know. We all do. I’m very glad you’re here Bernie.”

With those words she squeezes Bernie’s arm and heads out of the kitchen leaving the blonde flushed with pleasure at this statement and gazing after Serena’s retreating figure with a deep longing.

*****

Serena wakes early on Friday morning to the sound of her phone chiming. She blearily reaches out for it- surely it’s too early for the alarm, it’s still dark outside and she hears none of the familiar sounds of the village waking up. Her phone says 3:05 AM, and there are a series of message notifications from Bernie. She swipes to open WhatsApp and wonders what on earth Bernie could want at 3 in the morning. 

_I really hope you have your phone on silent during the night_ reads the first message. 

Serena rolls her eyes, and says to the empty room “That would be the smart thing to do, wouldn’t it.” She scrolls up through the messages, as concern floods her. 

_I had a nightmare. I get them sometimes- about the explosion._

_My therapist has told me to reach out to someone when I have them, that it would help ground me, and well, you’re the first person who came to mind._

Serena gasps a little at that. She can’t quite believe that Bernie would trust her with something like that. 

_Anyway, I will be fine. Eventually. At least before work I hope. So please don’t worry. Just telling you has definitely helped._

Serena brings up Bernie's contact details before she thinks better of it and hits the call button.

Bernie answers on the first ring. 

“Serena, oh god I’m sorry, I woke you, didn’t I?” she says. Serena thinks her voice sounds odd, hoarse as though she’s been crying. 

“It’s fine. Honestly. I’m glad you messaged. I’m going to come over,” Serena tells her, voice low to avoid waking Jason or Elinor.

“What? No, Serena, I’ll be fine. Honestly, I can barely even remember what the dream was about now.” Bernie’s voice breaks on the last word, and that makes Serena’s mind up for her. 

“Five minutes. I’ll be right there.” She’s already out of bed and pulling on clothes as she hangs up on Bernie. 

A quick scrub of her face, and brush of teeth and Serena pads down the stairs. She leaves a note for Jason and Elinor, and ponders briefly over what to write on it so she doesn’t give the wrong impression. In the end she just jots down ‘Gone over the road to help Bernie with something’ and decides to leave it at that, and lets herself out of the house, closing the door behind herself as quietly as possible. 

It doesn’t take long for Serena to cross the road and the village green to Bernie’s, but in that time she wonders how bad this nightmare must have been for her to reach out to Serena in the early hours, regardless of whether she was expecting a response or not. As she gets to Bernie’s front door, it opens, Bernie standing by it, a sad smile on her tear stained face.

“Come in,” she whispers, painfully aware of the almost other-worldly quiet of a place that is yet to wake up. 

Serena nods and steps inside. She can hear the radio on quietly in the kitchen and the smell of coffee, so she heads that way. 

Once in the kitchen, she ushers Bernie towards a chair, and opens cupboards until she finds mugs. Pouring them both a generous coffee she adds a couple of sugars to Bernie’s. 

“I’d ordinarily be making you a sweet tea, but as the coffee is brewed, you can have a sweet coffee instead. Your next one can be back to strong and hot,” Serena says. 

Bernie just nods, wanting to say something about how she feels bad that not only did she wake Serena in the middle of the night, but that she’s now over here, serving Bernie coffee in her own kitchen. It’s nice though, and Bernie decides not to say anything, isn’t entirely sure she can speak terribly coherently at the moment anyway. She gratefully accepts the mug proffered to her and croaks out her thanks, closing her eyes as she inhales the comforting smell of strong coffee, and lets it warm her from the inside. 

They sit like this, in silence for a few minutes, until Serena finally speaks.

“Do you want to talk about it, Bernie?” she says kindly.

Bernie sighs. “Want to...? No. Should...? Probably. Let me finish my coffee first, and then lets go through to the living room- and Serena? I’m so sorry, I was inconsiderate messaging you in the middle of the bloody night. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Serena reaches across the table and laces her fingers with Bernie’s. “You needed support, you needed a friend. It wasn’t inconsiderate at all. You didn’t force me to come over. I know how it feels to need that support, and I know that you’d do the same for me.”

Bernie nods vigorously at this. “I would. Thank you Serena. I don’t think I’ve ever had this kind of unconditional support. It means a lot.”

Serena bites back a comment about Marcus, about Alex, decides that now isn’t the time to suggest to Bernie she should demand more from her partners- no, not just that- that she shouldn’t settle for partners who don’t care enough. They can talk about that some other time, she thinks. For now, more coffee, a comfy seat, and a shoulder to cry on is what Bernie needs. She takes her hand back, grabbing Bernie’s mug and stands to refill from the coffee machine.

“Ok, Wolfe, let’s go through and sit down shall we.” Serena says softly. 

Bernie nods, and stands, and it’s only then Serena realises she’s wearing a small pair of sleep shorts and a vest that leaves very little to the imagination. She tears her gaze away, determined that this will not become about her wild fantasies, that she’ll concentrate on what her friend needs right now. 

“Go through, I’ll bring the coffees in a moment,” she instructs, needing as much as anything to have a moment to compose herself. 

Bernie nods her agreement and heads for the door of the kitchen, and Serena can’t help but trace the length of her strong legs with her eyes, and her muscular shoulders. 

“Get a grip woman” she mutters to herself, taking a couple of deep breaths to steady her racing heartbeat. She’s not sure how she’s going to get through the next couple of hours with Bernie dressed like that. She exhales slowly, and jaw set with determination follows Bernie’s path to the living room. 

*****

The door to the patio is open, and a warm summer breeze is drifting in. Bernie feels herself start as Serena sets the coffees down on the table in front of the sofa. Brown eyes meet, and Serena’s look of care and concern makes Bernie smile. She feels vaguely guilty still, for waking her, but having Serena here at this time of day, knowing she is here just because she thought Berne needed her makes a warmth suffuse the blonde’s body. 

Clasping her mug, she stares down at her knees, and is suddenly, painfully aware of her state of undress. She can feel a wave of embarrassment climbing up her spine and she sets her mug down to wrap the blanket around her shoulders, mumbling an apology to Serena.

Serena waves her hand in dismissal. “I only got dressed as I was leaving the house, Bernie. I wouldn’t expect to see you fully dressed at this time of day. I think I’d be more worried if you were!” 

Bernie smiles at this, and begins to apologise again. Serena leans in and silences her with a finger against her lips momentarily, igniting Bernie’s skin where the feather light touch alighted. 

“Bernie. You didn’t ask me to come over, I offered. If I didn’t want to, I wouldn’t be here, trust me. Now, do you want to tell me what happened?”

And so, Bernie finds herself with one foot curled under herself, leaning on the back of the sofa spilling her heart to Serena. She tells her about lying under the desert sun, thinking she was going to die, and hating herself for not having the opportunity to say goodbye to the children, to tell them how much she loved them. That what she thinks are her final thoughts are that she’s let everyone down and that instead of being proud of her, they will be angry at her for getting herself killed and not saying goodbye. 

Then she tells Serena about the nightmares. How sometimes she’s trying to save someone she loves in the aftermath of the explosion but she can’t get to them, or about watching herself die on the operating table. She realises she’s crying, and stops to wipe her eyes. 

“Oh Bernie,” Serena says softly, wrapping her in her arms. “What was tonight’s nightmare? Was it the kids? Or Alex?”

Bernie shakes her head. “No,” she whispers into Serena’s shoulder, her tears dampening the soft fabric of the other woman’s top. “No, it was you this time Serena. I think that’s why I needed to reach out to you...”

Bernie shudders a sob into Serena’s shoulder and Serena hugs her tighter, whispering words of comfort, telling Bernie she’s OK, that she’s here, she’s not hurt, she’s not going anywhere. 

Before she realises what’s happening, Serena has relaxed back, pulling Bernie with her, and they lie semi-reclined, Bernie’s head on her shoulder as she cries herself back to sleep. It’s barely 5AM, by this point so Serena presses a kiss to Bernie’s unruly curls and closes her own eyes.

*****

Serena wakes with a start to the sound of the alarm on her phone, wondering where she is, and what the dead weight curled into her side is. Reaching blindly for her phone, she cracks one eye open and sees a mop of blonde hair. The events of last night come rushing back and Serena feels a wave of affection and could this even be... love? 

Switching her alarm off, she taps Bernie on the shoulder, though this only causes the blonde to nestle in further, sighing gently into Serena’s neck. Serena fights down the growing arousal that lying tangled with the blonde woman is causing. She knows she has to wake Bernie- she needs to get home, shower and get dressed and Bernie will need to do similar, so she shakes Bernie’s shoulder. 

Bernie groans and wraps an arm possessively around Serena’s waist, and she opens her eyes, squinting in confusion. For a moment, Serena sees nothing but love in the eyes of her friend and she wonders if this is what it could be like for them if that was really how Bernie felt- waking up in each other’s arms, sleepy smiles, and drowsy snuggles.

She watches with a strange sense of sad inevitability as Bernie realises what’s happening and why they’re together on her sofa like this. 

“Serena... I... what time is it? I’m so sorry, you must need to go back to sort out Jason and Elly. Oh god, I should never have sent that message last night.”

Bernie pushes herself off Serena and sits with her head in her hands. Serena reaches out, finger gently tapping in question at the back of Bernie’s hand and then taking it in her own.

“Bernie, we went through this last night. I offered to come over, so really don’t worry. And yes, I’m going to go check the kids got to school OK, and I’ll shower and change, but please, don’t worry. You sort yourself out, too, and I will see you at work, OK?”

Bernie nods, glad that they aren’t car-sharing today, as she needs to leave early to go grocery shopping in anticipation of the kids arriving home from school this evening. She will at least have a bit of time to collect her thoughts and compose herself. 

As Serena stands, Bernie holds on to her hand, their grip tightening on each other. Serena tugs Bernie up to standing, and pulls her into a hug. 

“Go and shower. You’ll feel better for it, I promise,” she whispers into blonde hair. “And I’m always here if you need me, darling.”

With that, Serena presses a kiss to Bernie’s cheek, and heads for the hallway, telling Bernie she’ll see herself out. Bernie can only nod, dumbfounded with her fingertips tracing the spot Serena just kissed. 

Serena practically jogs across the green and down her driveway Hopefully if Jason and Elly are being sensible, she won’t need to do anything but shower, get dressed and get herself into work, which is just as well, as she is feeling the effects of the early morning start.

For once, the kids are indeed being sensible and Serena finds them finishing their breakfasts and discussing plans for the weekend with Charlotte and Cameron. 

“Hi Mum,” chirps Elly. “Everything OK with Doctor Wolfe?”

Serena hesitates for a moment, cursing herself for not having come up with a cover story. She feels guilty, as though she’s been caught doing something she shouldn’t have been doing, although that is patently ridiculous- she was just helping a friend in need. 

“Oh... umm, we both happened to be awake early and we thought we’d use the time to... to discuss a patient case.”

It sounds ludicrous even to her own ears, but to her immense relief Elly just nods. 

“Right, well, I’m going to get ready for work. Have a great day at school, both of you.” 

With that, she takes off up the stairs, lest she somehow incriminate herself. Of course, this means she misses Elly and Jason whispering to each other about what’s going on, and Elly frantically tapping out a WhatsApp message to Charlotte about ‘developments’.


End file.
